THE CRY

You see the pain in my eyes

But alas my eyes are dry 

I won't cry 

No, i won't cry 

You see the anger that burns from my gaze 

The madness that sets my eyes ablaze 

I won't cry 

No, i won't cry 

You see the fear that closes my eyes 

That smile i wear is but a disguise 

I won't cry 

No, i won't cry 

You see the hope that is finally dead 

I cannot trust for my heart has been bled 

I won't cry 

No, i won't cry 

You see the love that never dies 

But i shall never love again 

I won't cry 

No, i won't cry

You see death's hand that has glazed my eyes 

No one saw me die inside 

They won't cry 

No, they won't cry 

UNSPOKEN

With you i always know what to say 

But never actually having to say it 

With you i am speechless 

When no one listens 

You hear 

When i hurt and no one sees 

You know 

When i hide the tears that run down my rosy cheeks 

You see 

Your radiant eyes seems to glow just for me 

Your delightful smile tells me 

All is alright 

You know every fiber that forms me 

You know what worries me 

You know what excites me 

What keep me at night 

And what shames me so bad

That i can't share with anyone 

But none of these you bother. 

ALONE

Alone 

So very alone 

Yet no one knows

Wounded 

So very bad 

Yet none but i feel

Ignored 

Tossed about 

Thrown aside 

Secured 

A sanctuary for others to have 

Yet i am lonely with no one close 

I am alone 

Very much alone 

No one knows my pain 

No one knows.

GUARDIAN ANGEL

You gazed at me with surprise 

None but i could see it in your eyes 

And yes i knew 

As you lay by me that night 

Your whisper 'sleep tight' 

Put me at ease 

A smile came to your face 

With composure and grace 

Wiring all the tears away 

Erasing all my life's gray 

You led me down a path of gold 

Telling me about the creator above 

And I asked with greater love

"Can i call you my guardian angel?"

Your silence alarming 

Made me fall on my knees 

I'm yearning

As i opened my eyes i could see you before me 

Your wings spread with golden radiance 

And again i asked with greater love 

"Can i call you my guardian angel?" 

LET GO!

There are some stuff about me that i want to let go. But honestly, it isn't that easy; it's easy taking such a decision knowing that it will actually not be an easy task... it's easy writing it down and believing it will be done by all means... it's actually easy the 1st day, then the 2nd, then the 3rd... maybe the 4th... then i miss my old self... but then i say to myself " i know I can do it". Someway somehow i find myself in situations that practically make me do the things i used to do and it takes a while to come back into realizing that i shouldn't be where i am... that I'm to let go and move on... that i am to grow up. I don't know about you but I'm not perfect... at all.Those little things I want to let go may be so trivial... so insignificant in your sight, and in many ways but unknowingly, i find myself thinking about them, trying to find ways of letting go.

But then in my overshadowing thoughts, i realize if i psyche my mind to it, i can make it happen... no one else but i can make it happen. But then again, the question to why it's so difficult taking that step is weighing me down. Instead of finding solutions to my prevailing situation, instead of getting up and moving on, instead of trusting myself and my abilities, the question of why it will be a difficult task still takes on the limelight.

I love who I am and what I do, but just like periodically and strategically you'll have to update your anti-virus and scan your PCs and other gadgets to keep them in good shape as the days go by, so do I need to scan and update my system... my life... and so do you. Don't know about you but I wouldn't want to be outdated...  i need to clean up my system, i need to move on. My mind tell me it's not easy, but my maker tells me to only believe. Is it that difficult only to believe? To convince yourself that you already have something that physically you don't, is it that difficult? Recently, I was about asking a necessary favor from someone close which i knew realistically won't hold. My mother always told me, "he's human, just ask". You may not understand why I did what I did but i couldn't ask that favor for 2mths, maybe i didn't understand why... oh I do! FEAR... the fear of being disappointed. Then I asked and there it was... DISAPPOINTMENT. Then mom said, "you talk about faith everyday yet you don't act it out". I told her i was just being realistic, then she told me, "what is being 'realistic?' Isn't God real? Why would he tell you to have faith;

James 2:17

So also faith, if it does not have works (deeds and actions of obedience to back it up), by itself is destitute of power (inoperative, dead).

AMP

Then i went into deep thought, embracing and understanding the whole aspect of faith in a totally different perspective. It took a night for God to change the mind of the person i made the request to. I believe my understanding of faith and working on it contributed to that miracle. After that incident, i knew i could actually do anything i psyche my mind to do and most importantly have faith in.

I can do this... I can let go... I believe I can and I will... I'm not promising myself a smooth road but I'm assured of success. I have to scan and update  my system to get there... I need to grow... I need to let go... And i believe i can do it.

THIS IS HOW I FEEL...

Mother once told me, "if someone had told me you'll be this outgoing and such a talkative, i wouldn't have believed it", but here i am... i'm not that of a talkative, am i? I think i'm a seasonal one. Although i can express my views in simple words, nothing but the pen and book, or my fingers on the keys can express it better. When i feel down at times, i lay them on paper... When i'm excited, i just need a page or two... When i wanna tell you how i feel, when i can't say it, i just... WRITE... At times i wonder why you doubt when i tell you that I LOVE YOU... I wonder why you respond with so much disbelieve when i tell you that I MISS YOU. Get this clear; those words have been so abused that it carries less weight when you hear them. I understand you. But try to understand me too; when i tell you that I MISS YOU, all i'm trying to say is, there's this part of you that i got used to but for some time, or for a moment, i'm not experiencing it. The feeling of your absence follows those memories of times i spent talking, laughing...experiencing you and i miss it, but i don't just miss it, i miss the personality... I MISS YOU.When i tell you that I LOVE YOU, don't misinterprete it as 'you are attractive'...'i want you so bad'... It's simply 'i love you'. Aside all the people i know, all the categories of friends i entertain, i single you out to tell you that, you are different... you make me feel different... i feel a sense of belonging with you... i feel your role in my life's journey has not ended yet... I feel you're the one i can talk to when i'm down...when i need someone to listen... I feel you are the one to...to... But i tell you all these in simple three words, and you doubt? Hmmm... How would you feel if you'd told me this and i doubted? But the amazing thing about loving is, its free. Love flows. When a liquid flows, it's free. It's human that loving is expectantly reciprocated but then you get to a stage where you love so deeply that nothing can reciprocate it... You love freely. I won't be wrong if i say that, at that stage, you've got some level of understanding of God's love thus you love without expectation.

THE GREEN LIGHT

When you have a green light, you are expected to go, go ahead, or proceed. Let's take the traffic light as an example; in the crèche i was taught a song, "red means stop, yellow means get ready, green means go go go and go!!". Amazingly, whenever I'm crossing a street with traffic lights, the song uncontrollably rings in my head.But i didn't start this note to tell you about a green traffic light, i wanna tell something that's been on my heart for some days now. It's THE GREEN LIGHT in reference to a biblical allusion ie. Acts 16. (don't be lazy, take a bible and read it!).Mostly, it's not safe to cross a street walking even when there's the pedestrian's green light. Look out for reckless drivers... Look out for those oppressors who come your way even when the Lord's given you the go ahead... Look out for those dream-killers... Look out!... But the question is, are your eyes good enough to notice them when the come? Are your eyes and senses strong enough to know if a reckless driver's not observing the pedestrian's green light? Get this straight; nothing good comes easy. To complete that task given to you, you'll have to work harder...a little bit harder with your mind psyched up. In today's world, great men in the making are multitasking men. Although we have different time zone, it's still 24hrs everywhere n anywhere. When you look at the clock, what do you see? Morning, midday, night, dawn? Or you see a tool making that little ticking sound telling you "what are you waiting for? Go!"

END OF YEAR PRAYER

I wanna make my family proud, i wanna make God proud, i wanna make you proud. I planned to resolve mistakes i made last year but i find myself in terrible ones this year, ones i limited myself to thinking i couldn't control. I'm not perfect. My flesh had been more controlling over my spirit and it made me feel weighed down...empty...guilty. But Lord, you give beauty for ashes and strength for the weak. Cleanse my secret sins and bring me back to the place where i belong, a place where the absence of your presence is the loss of my self. Restore me. I've had dreams for my family, friends, the reader, the nation, help me bring them into fruition. I know i've wounded you countless times, but from my heart core, i am sorry. 
I will not be indecisive in any situation...
I will always read and meditate on your word cos that's what aids my growth...
I will cut off unnecessary companies, activities and words...
I will constantly remind myself of this promise i'm making today for the sake of my career, ministry, future marriage and family.
I've encouraged and inspired people into taking steps of faith, but this is the time for me to be encouraged and inspired. I wanna be a role model to women of my status and age. I want you to look down at me and tell me how proud you are. What could be more satisfying and soothing but this? A day more for this year to end and you've already started something incredible. Thanks. 
Let this time of prayer and petition change my life till you come. I believe it already has.

I'M HUMAN

I wasn't made to be an angel, neither was i made to be da sky, not the sea to contain fish nor the land i'm living on, not a creature to live in the woods or to be controlled by men, but i was made fearfully and wonderfully as man to live amongst my fellow beings. But would you call me ungrateful if i tell you that at times i feel being human is too demanding? Would you call me ungrateful if i tell you that at times i wish i was the wind, free without any worries...that i wish i was an angel in heaven away from earth and her challenges...that i wish i wasn't even born to see what i'm seeing, the pain, the torment, the misunderstanding, the daily challenges? If you'll call me ungrateful, then what makes you? Have you always been comfortable with who you are and what you're doing? If so, tell me, and i'll ask you how you survive. 
Yes, i've felt this way many times so you can go ahead to call me 'ungrateful', but whenever i feel this way, i'm eventually encouraged at the thought that being human is the most wonderful miracle and handiwork of God. Ask me why and i'll tell you that God didn't send His Son to die for angels nor creatures nor the wind nor the sea. He sent His Son to die for Man... For ME! If i was wind or land, i'll forever be jealous. I'll also tell you that, if i wasn't made as Man, i wouldn't have studied grammar and you probably wouldn't be reading this... If i wasn't made to be Man, i wouldn't know how it feels to fall and rise... To get hurt and healed... To feel love... To eat and be healthy... To lose and gain weight... To fight and feel remorse... I wouldn't have been here...
Naturally, i can't do away with this feeling but i can't change who i am. Do i continue feeling this way and wasting time thinking of what i could do? No. Do you know why? I've got 24hrs in a day, so have you. Abraham had 24hrs in a day, so did Isaac, and Jacob, and Esther, Paul and John. And without excuse, they were human, just like you... Just like me. Yes, that was way back in time but we're in a day where technology is said to make work easier and faster. We're in a day where it is written that "greater things" shall we do now that the Comforter, Counsellor, Helper, strengthener lives among us. But how evident is this? How expedient is this? I don't know about you, but as for me, i'll forever be grateful i was made human, that i GO THROUGH challenges and not just IN challenges, meaning, if i go through something, there's an entrance and an exit. It's only temporary. I'll forever praise my Father and Maker for making me human cos i enjoy every attribute it comes along with... And above all else, i find solace in this: God made me in his own image and likeness, gave me dominion over every creature on earth, even when i fall, he's just there to keep me up again and despite anything i do, He still keeps reminding me of how his unconditional love still flows... What more could i be appreciative of, but being Human... But being what God made me?

HOW MUCH CAN YOU EAT?

How much can you eat in a day? I won't be surprised if some readers answered this question the moment they saw the caption. "ooh...about three or four times in a day"... "i'm on a diet so i eat about twice in a day"... "often i get very busy with work and other stuff so i don't eat much in a day"... "ei i like food oo. I can eat as much as i can, provided i don't burst".

Different responses from different individuals. But seriously, how much can you take in a day? How much can you consume? How much can you eat? Take a journey with me to the spiritual world. Take this personal and think about it; as a christian, you should know that the food for your soul is the word of God, and speaking in the heavenly tongue edifies your spirit being. Now, measure up the amount of spiritual food you take in a day, and the edification of your spirit. Can you tell how strong your soul and spirit being is now? Do you see a couple of people like you in the spirit world who actually have food right before them but isn't that they cannot eat, but are not eating? Do you see people starve themselves with excuses of being busy and being on diets? Well, i'll admit that those who like eating can be very spiritual. Lol.

We take the little things we see and do for granted. How would you feel after you've cooked your best meal for your lover and he/she seats by the table, receives a phone call leaves without even saying a word? Or he/she eats a part of it hurriedly and rushes to attend to something else? I guess that's how God might feel when we take His word for granted or when we don't take our heavenly breakfast. I wasn't a breakfast kind of person untill i understood this. It's true breakfast is the most important meal of the day as my mom will say. So is your quiet time the most important spiritual meal as it prepares and shapes you for the day as a christian.

So now i ask again, how much can you eat? Are you on a diet or you get too busy? Do you eat slowly or you're in a hurry to attend to other important issues? And what's your dessert after meals?

a piece of my 1st book 'PASSION MY WEAKNESS... PASSION MY STRENGTH'

...

It was disturbing… it was painful… to know that those close to you would say such alarming things. But I got over all that. You want to know how? I remembered the words of my mother “do not trust anyone. No matter whom the person is; men of God, a close friend, a counselor, even your family. We are all men and no one knows the heart of man but God. Don’t even trust me…”

My twin brother said a similar thing, “a man of God is still a man”. No one on earth is perfect. We all make mistakes when it comes to our emotions and even choices. Jealousy is one evil trait of man that needs to be controlled when it arises else will yield more devastating outcomes. Why would you get jealous? Is it because you don’t have and wish you will? Or is it because you feel the one having that peculiar thing is better off? Or you feel unsafe? You are special. Your area of strength and comfort could be that person’s weak point.

There was this girl in my class back in Junior High School, and she had quite an unpleasant smell, was nosy, average and dirty. Everyone would laugh at her when she passes by or makes funny comments. She would cry like a baby when she arrives late to school and is spanked, and her younger step sister in Primary 5 ordered her about with disrespect as though she was older. One afternoon, I sat by her desk and asked her if she could confide in me. I discovered she was in a stepmother’s home and was practically a house help but has free time whenever she is in school. She made a statement which amazes me even today “I have only two (2) uniforms and about (2) pair of socks and I wash and wear them all the time. Sometimes I look at you and Curtis (who is my twin brother) and I get jealous because even your socks and your uniforms, you use a washing machine. You always look clean and neat and the teachers commend you but some of them throw insults at me because I am dirty…”

Humph! A washing machine! That will be the last thing my father would ever think of. I laughed when she said that. I told her, “listen, I haven’t even seen a washing machine and wouldn’t even know how to operate it if you tell me to. I wash with my bare hands every Saturday regardless how annoying it is. My brother and I are neat because that was how we were brought up. We make time to study not only to make our parents proud, but for our own gain and for those looking up to us…”

Some peers see my brother and me, the way we comport ourselves, our appearance, and the way we talk, and they make sudden conclusions that we are lack nothing and have nothing to worry about. Everyone has problems; even the elephant has to fight off flies.

For all you know, that thing you wish you could have, when in your possession cannot be properly handled by you. The parable of the talent makes it clear to us that, not all was given equal amount of talents. To some He gave five (5), to some two (2), and to some just one (1); every man according to what he can handle. God granted my mother her dream of conceiving two (2) sets of twins because He knew she could handle it; she has the heart for it. Someone else may have also wished the same but always conceives a single child. It isn't because God does not grant to those who always wish for twins, but maybe… just maybe, that woman or that couple cannot handle it when given to them. Be content with what you have; with what God has given to you.

...

WHO ARE YOU?

Anyone who says it's easy is just trying 2 be positive or maybe just telling a lie. It hasn't been easy and never will be; says who? Says me, Patricia Akwele Quarcoo. Now let me ask you, have you gone through a whole day without feeling guilty or unsure about something? Have you lived with people or your family with things going your way even just a day? Even at home, often when you're right, who are you 2 downplay the elderly? They are always "right" and you'll have 2 'keep your cool'. Have you gone through even half of a semester without series of challenges and heartaches and felt lyk "Lord! Ah! This in particular, 'tis just too much" and felt you couldn't handle it? But i'm glad it's just a 'feeling' and ends there.

I smiled when a friend told me some days ago that if the enemy doesn't cause all these tragedy and pain n all these tests n temptation, who else would? That's what he's here for. That's his work. And the child of God knows that the enemy came to steal, kill and destroy, so i marvel at a child of God who breaks down in trial times. Listen, i understand that you are human and emotions can break you down. But you are not just human. You give too much attention to the flesh! You over-feed the flesh and starve your spirit being and that's so not cool. Do you know how that makes you look like? A living corpse!

It's one thing not knowing about something before it happens or why it is happening, and it's another thing being forewarned. "to be forewarned is to be forearmed". You know why the enemy came, his mission, and you've even been given instances in the Holy Book where he demonstrated such. Besides that, you've been given a guide, a comforter... THE HOLY SPIRIT. Ok, when you open the bible, what do you read? And what insight do you get? If the worldly person is reacting to issues, you do the same? It's not easy, has never been, but get it straight that you are not just like anyone, you are a child of God, a kingdom child, a royal. Act like it! Live it!

WORSHIP NIGHT

Date; 02/10/2010

Begin; 02:50

As I sit to reminisce on the beauty of the Lord, I may be lost for words but this is just how I felt and still feel at this moment as I type;

God! What are you?! Looking at the heavens, the stars, the firmament, the birds, the day, the night, even how you formed me, I get dumbfounded. I don’t want to think of the challenges I’m going through now, I don’t want to tell you to take this burden off my head because although for a moment it may deeply hurt and wound my heart and make me so fragile and so forsaken, it is in it I see how strong you’ve made me. You said you won’t bring to my life anything that is beyond what I can handle. Even in these lord, even in my challenges, when I sit to ponder over them, that is when I see you…that is when I experience you because I’m left with no other option but to rely on only other but you. Not my mother, not my brother, not my friend, not my pastor, but you.

Sometimes, I feel I don’t worship you enough, or maybe I don’t even know how to give it. At times, when I feel I’m worshiping you, I get lost for words, because seriously, I don’t know what to say. I cannot memorize what I read about you; it’s more than I can contain. Occasionally the songs don’t even matter. Gosh! I get lost in wonder of you. For who else has the heavens as his throne and the earth as his footstool?! You, Lord. Greatness is an understatement. Oh bless the Lord my soul! I feel so heavy… so filled… I can’t stop the tears. It’s not tears of pain or remorse; I just can’t contain it, but I love the experience. It’s special, it’s pure, and it’s heavenly. You deserve all my heart and all my attention because there is none like you, besides you, before you, even if there was any before you, could he have done what you do? If there was any before you, would you have existed? If there was any before you, where’s he? If there was any before you, how come you are so eternal? Lord, if there was any before you, I care less to know because it is you I know and it is you I want to know…

“osoro hene, yeyi wo’aye

Osoro hene, ye da wo’ase

Ye di aseda eni kwrabea ma wo

Efirise wo na ese wo”

You know, one thing you do for me that I always acknowledge is that, whenever I encounter you…whenever I come into your presence, I never leave the same. Some come into your presence and leave with healing, with miracles, with breakthroughs. But when I encounter you, what I never forget is the freshness of spirit and the freshness of self you give me. It’s as if I’m always renewed. It’s as if the past is the past and I feel ready for a new day. It’s amazing. It’s …. My! It’s beyond what my mind can fathom. You are a good Lord and I will never regret knowing you. You are the light in my life. In you I have my being. I admit I can do nothing without you. Man may compliment me, but you complete me. Some may say I’m incomplete without my twin brother, he’s my other half, but you see, you also made him uniquely. I agree, physically he completes me, but wholly, you complete me! Lol. Wow… wow… wow!!!

“There is none holy as the Lord

There is none besides him

Neither is there any rock like our God

There is none holy as the Lord”

End; 03:44

THIS IS WHY I SAY ''SORRY"

Don't deny it; you say sorry more than twice in a day... everyone does, admit it! It isn't always intentional; when i say 'intentional', i mean we don't always say SORRY just because we want to shorten the conversation or the issue so as not 2 feel worse when all blame points at us. Ok, nw lemme personalize it. In growing up, whenever i misplaced something, an item, or misbehaved, i was expected to say SORRY ( I was a child. lol). Even when mom was wrong and i was right, as the child, i was to say SORRY simply because hmph..."never say the elderly is wrong!"... I step on your toes, SORRY... I promised to call and couldn't, SORRY... well, not like i didn't, but fortunately i end up calln, and i say SORRY... I acciddentally spill a drink on your shirt, SORRY... n it goes on n on n on...

Somtyms i feel real bad when i'm told "c'mon gal, u dnt always av 2 say SORRY!"

It isn't my fault, it just happens that i'm used to the word, just lyk THANK YOU. Ok! wot of the word NO OFFENSE, how do u take that? If i don't say SORRY, 'twill be a different story. I wouldn't be comfortable if a frnd always says SORRY. WAIT! lemme place myself in ya shoes; hw would i feel? dis is hw i'd feel "c'mon! u always say sori... i can nw tell whenever u're abt say'n it... hmph!"

I know how you feel when i say SORRY many tyms, but understand hw i feel, n knw dat i knw hw u feel.

But seriously, I'M TRYING...

I'm doing my best and i promise to be more mindful of my actions so as not to say SORRY more dan uummm... ummm... five (5) tyms... yeah! not more dan five (5) tyms in a day.

INEXPLICABLE LOVE

"I shall die 4 my love", said the Romeo of this poem
"Declare your stand once more 4 you will know
I am trying 2 be lenient", the antagonist boasted
As he enjoyed every moment of Romeo's torture
Thou only folly is 2 keep on loving her
No! Thou folly is breaking a love which has done no single blunder 
Because thou jealous heart burns with scorn

"Enough! You son of mean society!
Your punishment is 2 be burnt at the stakes"
"Fear not, be anxious not, 4 thou only burn
My temporal fleshly appearance but my love is eternal"
And the antagonist caught a glitter on his cheeks and Romeo spoke;
"I have never loved anything or anyone very much like her
Our love blossomed like the flower in the spring
Until the scorching sun of the summer invaded our peace
Even now that i am faced with unjust judgment
I have no regrets loving her"

Then streams of tears run down the rosy cheeks
Juliet of this poem speaks;
"Oh Great Majestic Ruler, be patient with thou rule
4 he is the breath that sustains my life"

"Fear not, Juliet! I know very well
That we shall meet in a far away place where our love shall unite
Yes! Sweet reunion oh my Juliet
How soon we shall leave this mortal world of envy"

"Tie him up 2 the logs!'', the antagonist shouted, with delight on his face
"4 my plans have fallen into place"
Then silence filled the multitude gazing
'twas a silence of injustice
Even the men who carried out the order felt a shrill in their souls
4 once and still, injustice was abt 2 be served hot

And so they tied him 2 the soggy logs
Which waited 2 smoke the hero of pure love
Agonies and sobs of reunion filled the place 
As the logs were set ablaze

Ne'er again will there be a perpetuator
Of love so inexplicable
Of love so divine
Of love so pure.

PRAYER 4 THE SEMESTER

It's another semester, Lord, and i can't do it without you. As i go to and fro Accra and Tema, I pray 4 wisdom 2 manage my books, family and other activities. 
Thank you 4 the past semesters; such blessing, such adventure, such fun, such challenge. But in all that, i was grateful and forever will be. 
You've done it before and i know so far as i'm alive, you'll continue to do it cos i know my share in your kingdom, and who i am. 

I commit my apartment into your hands. I pray that your power and your spirit will fill the building and i'll feel refreshed and happy whenever i wake up from my sleep. My going out and coming in, i pray you'll order. 
My schooling Lord, i only ask 4 wisdom and strength. Give me a bigger heart to entertain any nonsense and unusual behaviours from friends and relations. 
And skills, Lord. I need skills 2 manage my AIESEC life (as Recruitment, NTMS and NLDS approaches), relationships, choirs, gigs. 
But in all this, most importantly, draw me closer to you so i may know you more and understand your ways. Many are my desires and wishes, challenges i'd like you to take away. But i know, as your word says, these challenges only come to strengthen me. At least i've an idea how strong i am. Thank you. 

This short prayer i bring before you, my master and my father, as i begin and go through the semester. Loads of love, lord.