As I walked down the aisle looking pure in my white gown, I saw him afar desperate and waiting to take my hand. I said to myself "he lost his job, has no house, yet I'm marrying him... I'll surprise him with keys to our new house and new car". I said those divine vows looking deep into those eyes that seemed so true. That was then. It's been a little over a year now and as it is today, this is my fourth miscarriage for him and he's been supportive till he refused to send me to the hospital last Wednesday. For a moment I thought it was a nightmare until he broke that ceramic plate my mother gave us on our traditional wedding day, and said to my face "yes! I cheated so what can you do about it?? Four (4) miscarriages, Dede, 4 miscarriages! Look at you, you are fat, won't even make an effort to lose some weight. She's better than you... In fact, I knew it was you, you are a hindrance to my progress!! Wicked woman!!!". Herh! Me? Akwele, wasn't I even fatter when he married me? Did I not get him connected at Cal Bank? Now he's making money and thinks I'm a hindrance to his progress. I curse him!! I curse that woman he cheated on me with with a double portion of my miscarriages!! She'll know no peace till she tastes a portion of this pain. Wicked man! Evil woman!! She will taste the salt in her own tears so bad she wouldn't need any in her food for over a year!"
Ei! Did he not say he liked you the way you are? Anyway, for Jnr, I gave him my all /strokes long Brazilian hair to rest behind right ear/ my time, my pride, my attention, even had to break some rules just because I loved him. And you know what, he knew I was ready to give so much yet he took me for granted... My pride for granted. Everyone thought we were the cutest couple. Ah! Akwele, didn't you make that comment some time back? /nodding/ yea... Then he started behaving... You know what I mean? So then it happened; he wanted out! Right in my face! I remember his exact words "I want out". Herh! It felt like I was suffocating, and the setting was somewhere strange bi saa! I had to meet up with him at Dansoman and he broke up with me in his car at the Dansoman filling station. Ei!! Mb33ma!! /sips a glass of coca cola with iced cubes/ And the weirdest reason was he thought he loved me but did in the beginning and didn't wanna keep hurting me...and can't work it out but have to let me go /hits hand on the counter/ kw3h! I swear I'd wanted to slap him there but God formed me to be too nice. And you know me, I understood, I let it go, but I still love him. I just love him, Akwele, I love that man but it hurts to know he doesn't.
Well, your man seems confused and unstable. I'll never cry over such a man. But seriously, he was the first guy who "knew" you?? *laughs* So who's gonna satisfy those cravings now? Awww baby girl, hmph! Just when I thought a relationship could last over 6mths... We used to get intimate all the time... Abi you know me! Even before church on sundays. We called it "pervy Sundays" /giggling/ Then I got pregnant and had to abort. As much as I loved him and was against abortion, Akwele, I was so not ready. But can you believe Nii found an excuse not to take me to the hospital for the termination? Talk of paying the bills, he contributed no cedi!! A few weeks later, he said he couldn't continue doing "us" so wanted a break up. Look at me, frustration got me eating all the time. Had to change my wardrobe. Now I'm beginning to look like Dede, no offence, Dede. /swearing/ But me Nana Yaa!! /hitting hand on her chest/ Relationships is so out of my books!
Ladies... Ladies... Ladies... I understand it wasn't an easy road for you. You're independent, learned and amazing women and I admire your strength. For all the insults and curses and even well wishes, well, I wouldn't say they deserved less. You know of my story, don't you? Yet Kofi and I are still friends. I mean, do I have an option? I'll see him virtually all the time... Life moves on. But seriously, some men are just not easy to understand even when they try to be; some are also just wicked!... Just wicked!! But hey! Raise your glasses ladies /ladies raise glasses to a toast/... This is to the past that just passed, our strength, our bond, and a new life and independence and wisdom and... /wink/
Friday 30 December 2011
Sunday 25 December 2011
MERRY TODAY IS FAIR
I thank God only as much as I can
I don't know if it's His Son's birthday
But it's this day I'm commemorating
For giving His heart to me
His Son to me
That as He lived so shall I live
And in His death I eternally live
Making merry today is fair
Go ahead
Tell me how you're fairing today
Don't be shy
'Tis a day of sharing and love
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I don't know if it's His Son's birthday
But it's this day I'm commemorating
For giving His heart to me
His Son to me
That as He lived so shall I live
And in His death I eternally live
Making merry today is fair
Go ahead
Tell me how you're fairing today
Don't be shy
'Tis a day of sharing and love
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Saturday 17 December 2011
THE BITTER PILL
I need to fall to rise. I'm young, and for what it's worth, experience will play an amazing role in the long run. People experience life in a quite expected way, but agree with me that most experiences, for lessons to be well learnt and sink in so deep into the body and soul of man, usually occur the harder way. I find myself in that category and honestly, it doesn't feel good. But hey, who says what is right needs to feel good?
I encounter and address issues all the time, and obviously my purpose is to make the victims feel safe even in distress and pain and a state of confusion. Victims are usually older and more matured than I, so I believe I was gifted. Well, I was until I received a bigger well packaged gift__EXPERIENCE. Enclosed in this gift box were notes like "you'll only know how hot fire burns if it burns you deliberately or accidentally" .... "understanding what someone feels is not enough to understand how he/she feels, rather feeling what that person feels is all you need to understanding what he/she feels" ... "Experience is the best teacher. Believe it and live life learning, else doubt it and live life studying it".
Visionaries always rule. It is required of us that we don't see only the now but look into the future and act now. If you have a bad sight, fix it! We both know how uncomfortable it feels when we're in the dark... left in the dark... kept in the dark. It feels insecure.
My message is simple. Well, not all that simple because everything you read here is coded and the key to decoding it is to look beyond it's surface. Life is fair but we say it's unfair the moment things don't go our way. That's so human. I understand. Sometimes, challenges and occurrences makes us feel shattered, broken, lost, unsafe, in pain. But have you ever realised that breeding on these doesn't make it look better? It rather causes torture.
The head and tail both make a coin. And to know the true value of it, one has to give equal attention and relevance to both sides of the coin. But the rule is, you'll have a tail only because I chose a head. Life is beyond how we see it. It's what we do when we see it.
It's painful, so what? You're hurt, so what? Unexpected, so what? Life still moves on, and the clock's still ticking. Endure! It's the only way to be tough. Who says sand is the only part of soil. There are gravels and even pit sands. You've probably walked on gravels bare footed but as much as it's painful, it's equally healthy for your feet and massages it as well. How long will you keep crying and lamenting, and complaining?
Fix that eye and see how beautiful and bright tomorrow is with the decisions you make today. And know that, all the pain of now and yesterday is shaping a better course for tomorrow.
I encounter and address issues all the time, and obviously my purpose is to make the victims feel safe even in distress and pain and a state of confusion. Victims are usually older and more matured than I, so I believe I was gifted. Well, I was until I received a bigger well packaged gift__EXPERIENCE. Enclosed in this gift box were notes like "you'll only know how hot fire burns if it burns you deliberately or accidentally" .... "understanding what someone feels is not enough to understand how he/she feels, rather feeling what that person feels is all you need to understanding what he/she feels" ... "Experience is the best teacher. Believe it and live life learning, else doubt it and live life studying it".
Visionaries always rule. It is required of us that we don't see only the now but look into the future and act now. If you have a bad sight, fix it! We both know how uncomfortable it feels when we're in the dark... left in the dark... kept in the dark. It feels insecure.
My message is simple. Well, not all that simple because everything you read here is coded and the key to decoding it is to look beyond it's surface. Life is fair but we say it's unfair the moment things don't go our way. That's so human. I understand. Sometimes, challenges and occurrences makes us feel shattered, broken, lost, unsafe, in pain. But have you ever realised that breeding on these doesn't make it look better? It rather causes torture.
The head and tail both make a coin. And to know the true value of it, one has to give equal attention and relevance to both sides of the coin. But the rule is, you'll have a tail only because I chose a head. Life is beyond how we see it. It's what we do when we see it.
It's painful, so what? You're hurt, so what? Unexpected, so what? Life still moves on, and the clock's still ticking. Endure! It's the only way to be tough. Who says sand is the only part of soil. There are gravels and even pit sands. You've probably walked on gravels bare footed but as much as it's painful, it's equally healthy for your feet and massages it as well. How long will you keep crying and lamenting, and complaining?
Fix that eye and see how beautiful and bright tomorrow is with the decisions you make today. And know that, all the pain of now and yesterday is shaping a better course for tomorrow.
Friday 16 December 2011
I OWE... TO YOU!
I need that power
To wipe away every second of you and me
Bitter memories
Sweet memories
Still can't take away what's happening to me
If scars could heal
How long will I wait
For this wound is too green
And my skin too weak
I can't take it anymore
I'm losing it!
Torture!
Yes... Torture! I see you and I see torture
More or less you're a murderer
Cos you killed me
You killed that part of me that I could give to noone but one whom I loved
I loved you so much
I loved you too much
Maybe I just gave you too much
My heart... I gave
My time... I gave
My... My... My...
*pause*
I even planned our first anniversary
Maybe I was a fool in love
Maybe I was so blind
Couldn't see we'll ever break up
Couldn't see that far
Funny, you always asked me to wear my glasses
The memories are still here
Some memories still sweet
But this memory's too fresh
I owe the laughter and fun to you
I owe the safety and love to you
And I equally owe this state of mine... To you
To wipe away every second of you and me
Bitter memories
Sweet memories
Still can't take away what's happening to me
If scars could heal
How long will I wait
For this wound is too green
And my skin too weak
I can't take it anymore
I'm losing it!
Torture!
Yes... Torture! I see you and I see torture
More or less you're a murderer
Cos you killed me
You killed that part of me that I could give to noone but one whom I loved
I loved you so much
I loved you too much
Maybe I just gave you too much
My heart... I gave
My time... I gave
My... My... My...
*pause*
I even planned our first anniversary
Maybe I was a fool in love
Maybe I was so blind
Couldn't see we'll ever break up
Couldn't see that far
Funny, you always asked me to wear my glasses
The memories are still here
Some memories still sweet
But this memory's too fresh
I owe the laughter and fun to you
I owe the safety and love to you
And I equally owe this state of mine... To you
Saturday 3 December 2011
EASE MY ITCH
The itch at my back feels at ease
When a different hand scratches it
Masculine... Bold
Clean black
Hairy at the back of his palm
A week old grown manicure
That's the kind of hand my itch prefers
Dependence in independence
I need you for my unseen itch
To put me at ease?
No! To put my itch at ease
For the itch I see
I scratch
Scratch me hard
Hard enough to ease my itch
But soft enough
To make me feel at ease
And make me know you've got my back
**the central idea of this poem is the satisfaction of cravings. I realised in relationships, be it friends or couples, every individual has a specific need to be met by the other party. In this poem, I need my itch to be scratched...an itch I can't see, obviously at my back cos the ones I can see, I scratch. I want peace. I need peace. And I cannot do it alone so I had to employ a hand, not just any hand but that's compatible to my itch; a man who can give me peace with his touch... With his push... With his support since I was already standing and independent before he stumbled in... **
When a different hand scratches it
Masculine... Bold
Clean black
Hairy at the back of his palm
A week old grown manicure
That's the kind of hand my itch prefers
Dependence in independence
I need you for my unseen itch
To put me at ease?
No! To put my itch at ease
For the itch I see
I scratch
Scratch me hard
Hard enough to ease my itch
But soft enough
To make me feel at ease
And make me know you've got my back
**the central idea of this poem is the satisfaction of cravings. I realised in relationships, be it friends or couples, every individual has a specific need to be met by the other party. In this poem, I need my itch to be scratched...an itch I can't see, obviously at my back cos the ones I can see, I scratch. I want peace. I need peace. And I cannot do it alone so I had to employ a hand, not just any hand but that's compatible to my itch; a man who can give me peace with his touch... With his push... With his support since I was already standing and independent before he stumbled in... **
Friday 2 December 2011
akwele: ...AND HE STOOD ME UP
akwele: ...AND HE STOOD ME UP: The shirt I wore could tell how many crunches and sit-ups I do in a day Grey, 100% cotton and friendly Yet my little sister said it was te...
...AND HE STOOD ME UP
The shirt I wore could tell how many crunches and sit-ups I do in a day
Grey, 100% cotton and friendly
Yet my little sister said it was teasing
My faded-knee blue jeans trousers was tight enough to carve my hips and make you smile
Yet loose enough to tell you I'm a lady with class
My neck and right wrist added some colour and a bit of Africa
With quite heavy beads
Yellow, black, green and red well balanced pattern stripes
My lips looked mild and glowing
With my heels a bit noisy
Me: Where are you? I'm setting off from Tema, so will be at the mall in an hour if not less
Him: Oh ok, something came up so I'll be a bit late... Wouldn't wanna keep you waiting there all by yourself though
Me: /sighs/ I'll be waiting anyway. Just don't make me wait too long"
Him: Ok... /hangs up/
I felt good in my outfit so I knew I looked good especially when that taxi driver winked at me and couldn't see that speed ramp in front of him, causing other drivers behind him honking in frustration.
My hair is obedient to the wind
Dry, straightened and black
I can tell she liked it
She just couldn't help but run those mighty waves through it
As I sat in the trotro by the window
"Oh c'mon, Wind, you're messing my hair".
I tried straining my ears harder but the driver was speeding so I couldn't hear her response. Anyway, she straightened my hair when I got to my destination. I only had to run my fingers through them and off I went.
Chilled, sweaty, inviting coke
Don't call me a drug addict
I'm just attached to a specific drink
Coke is the drink
It made perfect match with beef shawama
But... Where's he?
Me: Where's he? Gosh! This is my fourth bottle of coke and it's been over an hour. He hasn't called too... Mtcheeww...
SomeHotGuy: Hello? Are you waiting for someone, if you don't mind me sitting with you?
/in my thoughts/ **Seriously?? The last thing I need is a hot guy with a warming voice in corporate wear to sit with me. Young man, you're hot and all, but I don't need to start a new book, writing this one isn't that easy and I've got too much on my plate**
Me: /sarcastic smile whiles stroking the back of my left ear/ Oh yea, you can have a seat.
SomeHotGuy: I don't mean to intrude, but are you waiting for someone? Cos you've been here for a while...
Me: Oh you've been stalking me all this while?
SomeHotGuy: /laughs/ I would prefer saying, I've been watching you drink all that coke by yourself. It marvelled me.
Me: **OMG! His dimples...**
SomeHotGuy: Ok so I'm... **didn't register his name... ** and you are?
Me:...waiting for a friend
SomeHotGuy: Ouch! That was some gentle rudeness
Me: /sighs/... /calling Him/ ermm...what's the excuse now? Where are you??
Him: I'm still waiting for my client and he isn't in yet.
Me: You know this is our first time out, right? I've been sitting here for over 2hrs waiting for you, and... /smh/
Him: I'm sorry, Akwele, I know you're bored with me now but I just can't leave. Please. I feel very bad right now but... please I'm sorry. Please, Akwele
Me: Ok, be fast cos it's getting late /hangs up/
SomeHotGuy: Wondering why a guy could treat a lady as nice as you this way. Leaving you waiting here for over 2hrs. I think you're just too nice to be waiting all this while...
Me: /rolling my eyes and sucking my coke through the long thin stripped straw/
SomeHotGuy: The name again?
*that look he gave was divine and warm. I couldn't resist that*
Me: I never mentioned it, but I'm Akwele
SomeHotGuy: a twin? Cool... School? Work?
Me: School. Central University College. Major, Economics with an HRM minor. I'm not telling you my level /sucks on drink/
SomeHotGuy: hahahahahahha... That was smart and fast and a fast one. Well, I was leaving but wanted to talk with you. I've got a busy schedule from Monday and an earlier church service tomorrow so I won't bother you much. But hey, I like you...
**just like that!! Really??**
SomeHotGuy:...so /reaches for his card holder/ here's my card with my contacts on it. Call me when he doesn't show up, or hopefully if he does...
Me: And why is his presence or absence of any importance to you?
SomeHotGuy: You deserve good treatment.
Me: Oh!
SomeHotGuy: Don't get me wrong, pls. All I'm saying is, just let me know what happens at the end of the day. Depending on how soon you call, I may be close and come pick you up and drop you home...
Me: hmmm... Ok /nodding my head/
SomeHotGuy: Nice meeting you, Akwele. And hey, curve those lips. It straightened my night if you care to know.
*that actually caused a smile*
SomeHotGuy: Enjoy your night. I'll be expecting your call soon.
Me: /smiles/
After waiting another hour besides the experience with SomeHotGuy and no word from Him, I decided to send him an sms which read:
"If u aren't here in the next 30min, then don't set off... Seriously"
So after 30min, bursting with boredom, I set off and right before I sat in a taxi, I called Him
Me: You could've called me, you know?
Him: I didn't know what to say and I felt so guilty.I know you're bored with me right now...
Me: that's an understatement, seriously
Him: I'm deeply sorry
Me: You've no idea how I sustained myself for all those hours... and you didn't even call to ask how I was holding up. You didn't force at all. I'm disappointed, for lack of appropriate words in this situation. Do you even know how I'm gonna get home at this time of the night??
Him: /silence and hmmm-ing/
Me: Oh won't you talk??
Him: I'm very sorry
Me: I'm getting home
The rest of the story; when I got home, again, I called. Him actually told me he would come over and it was literally at the 11th hour so I didn't want to wear my usual shirt with boxers, looking all so revealing, so I waited for him. I had to get myself busy whiles waiting so I wrote some concepts for 2 poems and read a bit. It was about 1am and he still hadn't called. I figured calling him would define me as being extremely nice, so I took a cold bath to wash the boredom away...far away so it doesn't follow me as a shadow into my sleep.
A new dawn, a new day. I called him for explanations and my calls weren't answered. Yea, it's confirmed and sealed... He Stood Me Up that night.
Grey, 100% cotton and friendly
Yet my little sister said it was teasing
My faded-knee blue jeans trousers was tight enough to carve my hips and make you smile
Yet loose enough to tell you I'm a lady with class
My neck and right wrist added some colour and a bit of Africa
With quite heavy beads
Yellow, black, green and red well balanced pattern stripes
My lips looked mild and glowing
With my heels a bit noisy
Me: Where are you? I'm setting off from Tema, so will be at the mall in an hour if not less
Him: Oh ok, something came up so I'll be a bit late... Wouldn't wanna keep you waiting there all by yourself though
Me: /sighs/ I'll be waiting anyway. Just don't make me wait too long"
Him: Ok... /hangs up/
I felt good in my outfit so I knew I looked good especially when that taxi driver winked at me and couldn't see that speed ramp in front of him, causing other drivers behind him honking in frustration.
My hair is obedient to the wind
Dry, straightened and black
I can tell she liked it
She just couldn't help but run those mighty waves through it
As I sat in the trotro by the window
"Oh c'mon, Wind, you're messing my hair".
I tried straining my ears harder but the driver was speeding so I couldn't hear her response. Anyway, she straightened my hair when I got to my destination. I only had to run my fingers through them and off I went.
Chilled, sweaty, inviting coke
Don't call me a drug addict
I'm just attached to a specific drink
Coke is the drink
It made perfect match with beef shawama
But... Where's he?
Me: Where's he? Gosh! This is my fourth bottle of coke and it's been over an hour. He hasn't called too... Mtcheeww...
SomeHotGuy: Hello? Are you waiting for someone, if you don't mind me sitting with you?
/in my thoughts/ **Seriously?? The last thing I need is a hot guy with a warming voice in corporate wear to sit with me. Young man, you're hot and all, but I don't need to start a new book, writing this one isn't that easy and I've got too much on my plate**
Me: /sarcastic smile whiles stroking the back of my left ear/ Oh yea, you can have a seat.
SomeHotGuy: I don't mean to intrude, but are you waiting for someone? Cos you've been here for a while...
Me: Oh you've been stalking me all this while?
SomeHotGuy: /laughs/ I would prefer saying, I've been watching you drink all that coke by yourself. It marvelled me.
Me: **OMG! His dimples...**
SomeHotGuy: Ok so I'm... **didn't register his name... ** and you are?
Me:...waiting for a friend
SomeHotGuy: Ouch! That was some gentle rudeness
Me: /sighs/... /calling Him/ ermm...what's the excuse now? Where are you??
Him: I'm still waiting for my client and he isn't in yet.
Me: You know this is our first time out, right? I've been sitting here for over 2hrs waiting for you, and... /smh/
Him: I'm sorry, Akwele, I know you're bored with me now but I just can't leave. Please. I feel very bad right now but... please I'm sorry. Please, Akwele
Me: Ok, be fast cos it's getting late /hangs up/
SomeHotGuy: Wondering why a guy could treat a lady as nice as you this way. Leaving you waiting here for over 2hrs. I think you're just too nice to be waiting all this while...
Me: /rolling my eyes and sucking my coke through the long thin stripped straw/
SomeHotGuy: The name again?
*that look he gave was divine and warm. I couldn't resist that*
Me: I never mentioned it, but I'm Akwele
SomeHotGuy: a twin? Cool... School? Work?
Me: School. Central University College. Major, Economics with an HRM minor. I'm not telling you my level /sucks on drink/
SomeHotGuy: hahahahahahha... That was smart and fast and a fast one. Well, I was leaving but wanted to talk with you. I've got a busy schedule from Monday and an earlier church service tomorrow so I won't bother you much. But hey, I like you...
**just like that!! Really??**
SomeHotGuy:...so /reaches for his card holder/ here's my card with my contacts on it. Call me when he doesn't show up, or hopefully if he does...
Me: And why is his presence or absence of any importance to you?
SomeHotGuy: You deserve good treatment.
Me: Oh!
SomeHotGuy: Don't get me wrong, pls. All I'm saying is, just let me know what happens at the end of the day. Depending on how soon you call, I may be close and come pick you up and drop you home...
Me: hmmm... Ok /nodding my head/
SomeHotGuy: Nice meeting you, Akwele. And hey, curve those lips. It straightened my night if you care to know.
*that actually caused a smile*
SomeHotGuy: Enjoy your night. I'll be expecting your call soon.
Me: /smiles/
After waiting another hour besides the experience with SomeHotGuy and no word from Him, I decided to send him an sms which read:
"If u aren't here in the next 30min, then don't set off... Seriously"
So after 30min, bursting with boredom, I set off and right before I sat in a taxi, I called Him
Me: You could've called me, you know?
Him: I didn't know what to say and I felt so guilty.I know you're bored with me right now...
Me: that's an understatement, seriously
Him: I'm deeply sorry
Me: You've no idea how I sustained myself for all those hours... and you didn't even call to ask how I was holding up. You didn't force at all. I'm disappointed, for lack of appropriate words in this situation. Do you even know how I'm gonna get home at this time of the night??
Him: /silence and hmmm-ing/
Me: Oh won't you talk??
Him: I'm very sorry
Me: I'm getting home
The rest of the story; when I got home, again, I called. Him actually told me he would come over and it was literally at the 11th hour so I didn't want to wear my usual shirt with boxers, looking all so revealing, so I waited for him. I had to get myself busy whiles waiting so I wrote some concepts for 2 poems and read a bit. It was about 1am and he still hadn't called. I figured calling him would define me as being extremely nice, so I took a cold bath to wash the boredom away...far away so it doesn't follow me as a shadow into my sleep.
A new dawn, a new day. I called him for explanations and my calls weren't answered. Yea, it's confirmed and sealed... He Stood Me Up that night.
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