As I walked down the aisle looking pure in my white gown, I saw him afar desperate and waiting to take my hand. I said to myself "he lost his job, has no house, yet I'm marrying him... I'll surprise him with keys to our new house and new car". I said those divine vows looking deep into those eyes that seemed so true. That was then. It's been a little over a year now and as it is today, this is my fourth miscarriage for him and he's been supportive till he refused to send me to the hospital last Wednesday. For a moment I thought it was a nightmare until he broke that ceramic plate my mother gave us on our traditional wedding day, and said to my face "yes! I cheated so what can you do about it?? Four (4) miscarriages, Dede, 4 miscarriages! Look at you, you are fat, won't even make an effort to lose some weight. She's better than you... In fact, I knew it was you, you are a hindrance to my progress!! Wicked woman!!!". Herh! Me? Akwele, wasn't I even fatter when he married me? Did I not get him connected at Cal Bank? Now he's making money and thinks I'm a hindrance to his progress. I curse him!! I curse that woman he cheated on me with with a double portion of my miscarriages!! She'll know no peace till she tastes a portion of this pain. Wicked man! Evil woman!! She will taste the salt in her own tears so bad she wouldn't need any in her food for over a year!"
Ei! Did he not say he liked you the way you are? Anyway, for Jnr, I gave him my all /strokes long Brazilian hair to rest behind right ear/ my time, my pride, my attention, even had to break some rules just because I loved him. And you know what, he knew I was ready to give so much yet he took me for granted... My pride for granted. Everyone thought we were the cutest couple. Ah! Akwele, didn't you make that comment some time back? /nodding/ yea... Then he started behaving... You know what I mean? So then it happened; he wanted out! Right in my face! I remember his exact words "I want out". Herh! It felt like I was suffocating, and the setting was somewhere strange bi saa! I had to meet up with him at Dansoman and he broke up with me in his car at the Dansoman filling station. Ei!! Mb33ma!! /sips a glass of coca cola with iced cubes/ And the weirdest reason was he thought he loved me but did in the beginning and didn't wanna keep hurting me...and can't work it out but have to let me go /hits hand on the counter/ kw3h! I swear I'd wanted to slap him there but God formed me to be too nice. And you know me, I understood, I let it go, but I still love him. I just love him, Akwele, I love that man but it hurts to know he doesn't.
Well, your man seems confused and unstable. I'll never cry over such a man. But seriously, he was the first guy who "knew" you?? *laughs* So who's gonna satisfy those cravings now? Awww baby girl, hmph! Just when I thought a relationship could last over 6mths... We used to get intimate all the time... Abi you know me! Even before church on sundays. We called it "pervy Sundays" /giggling/ Then I got pregnant and had to abort. As much as I loved him and was against abortion, Akwele, I was so not ready. But can you believe Nii found an excuse not to take me to the hospital for the termination? Talk of paying the bills, he contributed no cedi!! A few weeks later, he said he couldn't continue doing "us" so wanted a break up. Look at me, frustration got me eating all the time. Had to change my wardrobe. Now I'm beginning to look like Dede, no offence, Dede. /swearing/ But me Nana Yaa!! /hitting hand on her chest/ Relationships is so out of my books!
Ladies... Ladies... Ladies... I understand it wasn't an easy road for you. You're independent, learned and amazing women and I admire your strength. For all the insults and curses and even well wishes, well, I wouldn't say they deserved less. You know of my story, don't you? Yet Kofi and I are still friends. I mean, do I have an option? I'll see him virtually all the time... Life moves on. But seriously, some men are just not easy to understand even when they try to be; some are also just wicked!... Just wicked!! But hey! Raise your glasses ladies /ladies raise glasses to a toast/... This is to the past that just passed, our strength, our bond, and a new life and independence and wisdom and... /wink/
Friday, 30 December 2011
Sunday, 25 December 2011
MERRY TODAY IS FAIR
I thank God only as much as I can
I don't know if it's His Son's birthday
But it's this day I'm commemorating
For giving His heart to me
His Son to me
That as He lived so shall I live
And in His death I eternally live
Making merry today is fair
Go ahead
Tell me how you're fairing today
Don't be shy
'Tis a day of sharing and love
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I don't know if it's His Son's birthday
But it's this day I'm commemorating
For giving His heart to me
His Son to me
That as He lived so shall I live
And in His death I eternally live
Making merry today is fair
Go ahead
Tell me how you're fairing today
Don't be shy
'Tis a day of sharing and love
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Saturday, 17 December 2011
THE BITTER PILL
I need to fall to rise. I'm young, and for what it's worth, experience will play an amazing role in the long run. People experience life in a quite expected way, but agree with me that most experiences, for lessons to be well learnt and sink in so deep into the body and soul of man, usually occur the harder way. I find myself in that category and honestly, it doesn't feel good. But hey, who says what is right needs to feel good?
I encounter and address issues all the time, and obviously my purpose is to make the victims feel safe even in distress and pain and a state of confusion. Victims are usually older and more matured than I, so I believe I was gifted. Well, I was until I received a bigger well packaged gift__EXPERIENCE. Enclosed in this gift box were notes like "you'll only know how hot fire burns if it burns you deliberately or accidentally" .... "understanding what someone feels is not enough to understand how he/she feels, rather feeling what that person feels is all you need to understanding what he/she feels" ... "Experience is the best teacher. Believe it and live life learning, else doubt it and live life studying it".
Visionaries always rule. It is required of us that we don't see only the now but look into the future and act now. If you have a bad sight, fix it! We both know how uncomfortable it feels when we're in the dark... left in the dark... kept in the dark. It feels insecure.
My message is simple. Well, not all that simple because everything you read here is coded and the key to decoding it is to look beyond it's surface. Life is fair but we say it's unfair the moment things don't go our way. That's so human. I understand. Sometimes, challenges and occurrences makes us feel shattered, broken, lost, unsafe, in pain. But have you ever realised that breeding on these doesn't make it look better? It rather causes torture.
The head and tail both make a coin. And to know the true value of it, one has to give equal attention and relevance to both sides of the coin. But the rule is, you'll have a tail only because I chose a head. Life is beyond how we see it. It's what we do when we see it.
It's painful, so what? You're hurt, so what? Unexpected, so what? Life still moves on, and the clock's still ticking. Endure! It's the only way to be tough. Who says sand is the only part of soil. There are gravels and even pit sands. You've probably walked on gravels bare footed but as much as it's painful, it's equally healthy for your feet and massages it as well. How long will you keep crying and lamenting, and complaining?
Fix that eye and see how beautiful and bright tomorrow is with the decisions you make today. And know that, all the pain of now and yesterday is shaping a better course for tomorrow.
I encounter and address issues all the time, and obviously my purpose is to make the victims feel safe even in distress and pain and a state of confusion. Victims are usually older and more matured than I, so I believe I was gifted. Well, I was until I received a bigger well packaged gift__EXPERIENCE. Enclosed in this gift box were notes like "you'll only know how hot fire burns if it burns you deliberately or accidentally" .... "understanding what someone feels is not enough to understand how he/she feels, rather feeling what that person feels is all you need to understanding what he/she feels" ... "Experience is the best teacher. Believe it and live life learning, else doubt it and live life studying it".
Visionaries always rule. It is required of us that we don't see only the now but look into the future and act now. If you have a bad sight, fix it! We both know how uncomfortable it feels when we're in the dark... left in the dark... kept in the dark. It feels insecure.
My message is simple. Well, not all that simple because everything you read here is coded and the key to decoding it is to look beyond it's surface. Life is fair but we say it's unfair the moment things don't go our way. That's so human. I understand. Sometimes, challenges and occurrences makes us feel shattered, broken, lost, unsafe, in pain. But have you ever realised that breeding on these doesn't make it look better? It rather causes torture.
The head and tail both make a coin. And to know the true value of it, one has to give equal attention and relevance to both sides of the coin. But the rule is, you'll have a tail only because I chose a head. Life is beyond how we see it. It's what we do when we see it.
It's painful, so what? You're hurt, so what? Unexpected, so what? Life still moves on, and the clock's still ticking. Endure! It's the only way to be tough. Who says sand is the only part of soil. There are gravels and even pit sands. You've probably walked on gravels bare footed but as much as it's painful, it's equally healthy for your feet and massages it as well. How long will you keep crying and lamenting, and complaining?
Fix that eye and see how beautiful and bright tomorrow is with the decisions you make today. And know that, all the pain of now and yesterday is shaping a better course for tomorrow.
Friday, 16 December 2011
I OWE... TO YOU!
I need that power
To wipe away every second of you and me
Bitter memories
Sweet memories
Still can't take away what's happening to me
If scars could heal
How long will I wait
For this wound is too green
And my skin too weak
I can't take it anymore
I'm losing it!
Torture!
Yes... Torture! I see you and I see torture
More or less you're a murderer
Cos you killed me
You killed that part of me that I could give to noone but one whom I loved
I loved you so much
I loved you too much
Maybe I just gave you too much
My heart... I gave
My time... I gave
My... My... My...
*pause*
I even planned our first anniversary
Maybe I was a fool in love
Maybe I was so blind
Couldn't see we'll ever break up
Couldn't see that far
Funny, you always asked me to wear my glasses
The memories are still here
Some memories still sweet
But this memory's too fresh
I owe the laughter and fun to you
I owe the safety and love to you
And I equally owe this state of mine... To you
To wipe away every second of you and me
Bitter memories
Sweet memories
Still can't take away what's happening to me
If scars could heal
How long will I wait
For this wound is too green
And my skin too weak
I can't take it anymore
I'm losing it!
Torture!
Yes... Torture! I see you and I see torture
More or less you're a murderer
Cos you killed me
You killed that part of me that I could give to noone but one whom I loved
I loved you so much
I loved you too much
Maybe I just gave you too much
My heart... I gave
My time... I gave
My... My... My...
*pause*
I even planned our first anniversary
Maybe I was a fool in love
Maybe I was so blind
Couldn't see we'll ever break up
Couldn't see that far
Funny, you always asked me to wear my glasses
The memories are still here
Some memories still sweet
But this memory's too fresh
I owe the laughter and fun to you
I owe the safety and love to you
And I equally owe this state of mine... To you
Saturday, 3 December 2011
EASE MY ITCH
The itch at my back feels at ease
When a different hand scratches it
Masculine... Bold
Clean black
Hairy at the back of his palm
A week old grown manicure
That's the kind of hand my itch prefers
Dependence in independence
I need you for my unseen itch
To put me at ease?
No! To put my itch at ease
For the itch I see
I scratch
Scratch me hard
Hard enough to ease my itch
But soft enough
To make me feel at ease
And make me know you've got my back
**the central idea of this poem is the satisfaction of cravings. I realised in relationships, be it friends or couples, every individual has a specific need to be met by the other party. In this poem, I need my itch to be scratched...an itch I can't see, obviously at my back cos the ones I can see, I scratch. I want peace. I need peace. And I cannot do it alone so I had to employ a hand, not just any hand but that's compatible to my itch; a man who can give me peace with his touch... With his push... With his support since I was already standing and independent before he stumbled in... **
When a different hand scratches it
Masculine... Bold
Clean black
Hairy at the back of his palm
A week old grown manicure
That's the kind of hand my itch prefers
Dependence in independence
I need you for my unseen itch
To put me at ease?
No! To put my itch at ease
For the itch I see
I scratch
Scratch me hard
Hard enough to ease my itch
But soft enough
To make me feel at ease
And make me know you've got my back
**the central idea of this poem is the satisfaction of cravings. I realised in relationships, be it friends or couples, every individual has a specific need to be met by the other party. In this poem, I need my itch to be scratched...an itch I can't see, obviously at my back cos the ones I can see, I scratch. I want peace. I need peace. And I cannot do it alone so I had to employ a hand, not just any hand but that's compatible to my itch; a man who can give me peace with his touch... With his push... With his support since I was already standing and independent before he stumbled in... **
Friday, 2 December 2011
akwele: ...AND HE STOOD ME UP
akwele: ...AND HE STOOD ME UP: The shirt I wore could tell how many crunches and sit-ups I do in a day Grey, 100% cotton and friendly Yet my little sister said it was te...
...AND HE STOOD ME UP
The shirt I wore could tell how many crunches and sit-ups I do in a day
Grey, 100% cotton and friendly
Yet my little sister said it was teasing
My faded-knee blue jeans trousers was tight enough to carve my hips and make you smile
Yet loose enough to tell you I'm a lady with class
My neck and right wrist added some colour and a bit of Africa
With quite heavy beads
Yellow, black, green and red well balanced pattern stripes
My lips looked mild and glowing
With my heels a bit noisy
Me: Where are you? I'm setting off from Tema, so will be at the mall in an hour if not less
Him: Oh ok, something came up so I'll be a bit late... Wouldn't wanna keep you waiting there all by yourself though
Me: /sighs/ I'll be waiting anyway. Just don't make me wait too long"
Him: Ok... /hangs up/
I felt good in my outfit so I knew I looked good especially when that taxi driver winked at me and couldn't see that speed ramp in front of him, causing other drivers behind him honking in frustration.
My hair is obedient to the wind
Dry, straightened and black
I can tell she liked it
She just couldn't help but run those mighty waves through it
As I sat in the trotro by the window
"Oh c'mon, Wind, you're messing my hair".
I tried straining my ears harder but the driver was speeding so I couldn't hear her response. Anyway, she straightened my hair when I got to my destination. I only had to run my fingers through them and off I went.
Chilled, sweaty, inviting coke
Don't call me a drug addict
I'm just attached to a specific drink
Coke is the drink
It made perfect match with beef shawama
But... Where's he?
Me: Where's he? Gosh! This is my fourth bottle of coke and it's been over an hour. He hasn't called too... Mtcheeww...
SomeHotGuy: Hello? Are you waiting for someone, if you don't mind me sitting with you?
/in my thoughts/ **Seriously?? The last thing I need is a hot guy with a warming voice in corporate wear to sit with me. Young man, you're hot and all, but I don't need to start a new book, writing this one isn't that easy and I've got too much on my plate**
Me: /sarcastic smile whiles stroking the back of my left ear/ Oh yea, you can have a seat.
SomeHotGuy: I don't mean to intrude, but are you waiting for someone? Cos you've been here for a while...
Me: Oh you've been stalking me all this while?
SomeHotGuy: /laughs/ I would prefer saying, I've been watching you drink all that coke by yourself. It marvelled me.
Me: **OMG! His dimples...**
SomeHotGuy: Ok so I'm... **didn't register his name... ** and you are?
Me:...waiting for a friend
SomeHotGuy: Ouch! That was some gentle rudeness
Me: /sighs/... /calling Him/ ermm...what's the excuse now? Where are you??
Him: I'm still waiting for my client and he isn't in yet.
Me: You know this is our first time out, right? I've been sitting here for over 2hrs waiting for you, and... /smh/
Him: I'm sorry, Akwele, I know you're bored with me now but I just can't leave. Please. I feel very bad right now but... please I'm sorry. Please, Akwele
Me: Ok, be fast cos it's getting late /hangs up/
SomeHotGuy: Wondering why a guy could treat a lady as nice as you this way. Leaving you waiting here for over 2hrs. I think you're just too nice to be waiting all this while...
Me: /rolling my eyes and sucking my coke through the long thin stripped straw/
SomeHotGuy: The name again?
*that look he gave was divine and warm. I couldn't resist that*
Me: I never mentioned it, but I'm Akwele
SomeHotGuy: a twin? Cool... School? Work?
Me: School. Central University College. Major, Economics with an HRM minor. I'm not telling you my level /sucks on drink/
SomeHotGuy: hahahahahahha... That was smart and fast and a fast one. Well, I was leaving but wanted to talk with you. I've got a busy schedule from Monday and an earlier church service tomorrow so I won't bother you much. But hey, I like you...
**just like that!! Really??**
SomeHotGuy:...so /reaches for his card holder/ here's my card with my contacts on it. Call me when he doesn't show up, or hopefully if he does...
Me: And why is his presence or absence of any importance to you?
SomeHotGuy: You deserve good treatment.
Me: Oh!
SomeHotGuy: Don't get me wrong, pls. All I'm saying is, just let me know what happens at the end of the day. Depending on how soon you call, I may be close and come pick you up and drop you home...
Me: hmmm... Ok /nodding my head/
SomeHotGuy: Nice meeting you, Akwele. And hey, curve those lips. It straightened my night if you care to know.
*that actually caused a smile*
SomeHotGuy: Enjoy your night. I'll be expecting your call soon.
Me: /smiles/
After waiting another hour besides the experience with SomeHotGuy and no word from Him, I decided to send him an sms which read:
"If u aren't here in the next 30min, then don't set off... Seriously"
So after 30min, bursting with boredom, I set off and right before I sat in a taxi, I called Him
Me: You could've called me, you know?
Him: I didn't know what to say and I felt so guilty.I know you're bored with me right now...
Me: that's an understatement, seriously
Him: I'm deeply sorry
Me: You've no idea how I sustained myself for all those hours... and you didn't even call to ask how I was holding up. You didn't force at all. I'm disappointed, for lack of appropriate words in this situation. Do you even know how I'm gonna get home at this time of the night??
Him: /silence and hmmm-ing/
Me: Oh won't you talk??
Him: I'm very sorry
Me: I'm getting home
The rest of the story; when I got home, again, I called. Him actually told me he would come over and it was literally at the 11th hour so I didn't want to wear my usual shirt with boxers, looking all so revealing, so I waited for him. I had to get myself busy whiles waiting so I wrote some concepts for 2 poems and read a bit. It was about 1am and he still hadn't called. I figured calling him would define me as being extremely nice, so I took a cold bath to wash the boredom away...far away so it doesn't follow me as a shadow into my sleep.
A new dawn, a new day. I called him for explanations and my calls weren't answered. Yea, it's confirmed and sealed... He Stood Me Up that night.
Grey, 100% cotton and friendly
Yet my little sister said it was teasing
My faded-knee blue jeans trousers was tight enough to carve my hips and make you smile
Yet loose enough to tell you I'm a lady with class
My neck and right wrist added some colour and a bit of Africa
With quite heavy beads
Yellow, black, green and red well balanced pattern stripes
My lips looked mild and glowing
With my heels a bit noisy
Me: Where are you? I'm setting off from Tema, so will be at the mall in an hour if not less
Him: Oh ok, something came up so I'll be a bit late... Wouldn't wanna keep you waiting there all by yourself though
Me: /sighs/ I'll be waiting anyway. Just don't make me wait too long"
Him: Ok... /hangs up/
I felt good in my outfit so I knew I looked good especially when that taxi driver winked at me and couldn't see that speed ramp in front of him, causing other drivers behind him honking in frustration.
My hair is obedient to the wind
Dry, straightened and black
I can tell she liked it
She just couldn't help but run those mighty waves through it
As I sat in the trotro by the window
"Oh c'mon, Wind, you're messing my hair".
I tried straining my ears harder but the driver was speeding so I couldn't hear her response. Anyway, she straightened my hair when I got to my destination. I only had to run my fingers through them and off I went.
Chilled, sweaty, inviting coke
Don't call me a drug addict
I'm just attached to a specific drink
Coke is the drink
It made perfect match with beef shawama
But... Where's he?
Me: Where's he? Gosh! This is my fourth bottle of coke and it's been over an hour. He hasn't called too... Mtcheeww...
SomeHotGuy: Hello? Are you waiting for someone, if you don't mind me sitting with you?
/in my thoughts/ **Seriously?? The last thing I need is a hot guy with a warming voice in corporate wear to sit with me. Young man, you're hot and all, but I don't need to start a new book, writing this one isn't that easy and I've got too much on my plate**
Me: /sarcastic smile whiles stroking the back of my left ear/ Oh yea, you can have a seat.
SomeHotGuy: I don't mean to intrude, but are you waiting for someone? Cos you've been here for a while...
Me: Oh you've been stalking me all this while?
SomeHotGuy: /laughs/ I would prefer saying, I've been watching you drink all that coke by yourself. It marvelled me.
Me: **OMG! His dimples...**
SomeHotGuy: Ok so I'm... **didn't register his name... ** and you are?
Me:...waiting for a friend
SomeHotGuy: Ouch! That was some gentle rudeness
Me: /sighs/... /calling Him/ ermm...what's the excuse now? Where are you??
Him: I'm still waiting for my client and he isn't in yet.
Me: You know this is our first time out, right? I've been sitting here for over 2hrs waiting for you, and... /smh/
Him: I'm sorry, Akwele, I know you're bored with me now but I just can't leave. Please. I feel very bad right now but... please I'm sorry. Please, Akwele
Me: Ok, be fast cos it's getting late /hangs up/
SomeHotGuy: Wondering why a guy could treat a lady as nice as you this way. Leaving you waiting here for over 2hrs. I think you're just too nice to be waiting all this while...
Me: /rolling my eyes and sucking my coke through the long thin stripped straw/
SomeHotGuy: The name again?
*that look he gave was divine and warm. I couldn't resist that*
Me: I never mentioned it, but I'm Akwele
SomeHotGuy: a twin? Cool... School? Work?
Me: School. Central University College. Major, Economics with an HRM minor. I'm not telling you my level /sucks on drink/
SomeHotGuy: hahahahahahha... That was smart and fast and a fast one. Well, I was leaving but wanted to talk with you. I've got a busy schedule from Monday and an earlier church service tomorrow so I won't bother you much. But hey, I like you...
**just like that!! Really??**
SomeHotGuy:...so /reaches for his card holder/ here's my card with my contacts on it. Call me when he doesn't show up, or hopefully if he does...
Me: And why is his presence or absence of any importance to you?
SomeHotGuy: You deserve good treatment.
Me: Oh!
SomeHotGuy: Don't get me wrong, pls. All I'm saying is, just let me know what happens at the end of the day. Depending on how soon you call, I may be close and come pick you up and drop you home...
Me: hmmm... Ok /nodding my head/
SomeHotGuy: Nice meeting you, Akwele. And hey, curve those lips. It straightened my night if you care to know.
*that actually caused a smile*
SomeHotGuy: Enjoy your night. I'll be expecting your call soon.
Me: /smiles/
After waiting another hour besides the experience with SomeHotGuy and no word from Him, I decided to send him an sms which read:
"If u aren't here in the next 30min, then don't set off... Seriously"
So after 30min, bursting with boredom, I set off and right before I sat in a taxi, I called Him
Me: You could've called me, you know?
Him: I didn't know what to say and I felt so guilty.I know you're bored with me right now...
Me: that's an understatement, seriously
Him: I'm deeply sorry
Me: You've no idea how I sustained myself for all those hours... and you didn't even call to ask how I was holding up. You didn't force at all. I'm disappointed, for lack of appropriate words in this situation. Do you even know how I'm gonna get home at this time of the night??
Him: /silence and hmmm-ing/
Me: Oh won't you talk??
Him: I'm very sorry
Me: I'm getting home
The rest of the story; when I got home, again, I called. Him actually told me he would come over and it was literally at the 11th hour so I didn't want to wear my usual shirt with boxers, looking all so revealing, so I waited for him. I had to get myself busy whiles waiting so I wrote some concepts for 2 poems and read a bit. It was about 1am and he still hadn't called. I figured calling him would define me as being extremely nice, so I took a cold bath to wash the boredom away...far away so it doesn't follow me as a shadow into my sleep.
A new dawn, a new day. I called him for explanations and my calls weren't answered. Yea, it's confirmed and sealed... He Stood Me Up that night.
Monday, 28 November 2011
FORBIDDEN FRUIT JUICE
I had to learn from what I've been through and let others know the truth so they don't act like fools before His eyes and mine. She was but my age, my peer; beautiful, classy, principled, judicious in her speech but her curiosity was beyond measure. I shouldn't have told her about the tree in the middle of the garden. Maybe I should've told her but not stressed it like I did.
I only told her I had a bite of the fruit and that resulted in what I am today. What did you expect me to do? The serpent told me my eyes would be opened even though they were never closed. Who wouldn't want such an experience? That was when I realised I was naked and had to cover up. Since that day, I kept covering up on every naked thing, it's like I can't help but cover up. But you know what? She didn't know this.
After some months, she came to me, and OMG she was so different, looked different... more or less advanced in her speech and countenance. "What happened to you", I asked, and she told me... Well, she spoke in a different, sweeter, enviable language which took me months to decode. This was what she said in our language;
I went to the tree and saw a serpent and he told me your story so I figured out if your eyes were opened to see beyond what you saw, and to differentiate right and wrong, then having a double of that experience would be unimaginable so I plugged all the fruits, and squeezed the juice from them. I took them home and been drinking since. The serpent actually told me to drink it whenever I'm thirsty. It's been a few days now and I can't part from that juice. The thought of it getting finished was frustrating; I mean, I plugged all the fruits. Yet, the bottles never seem empty.
There, she handed me a bottle and told me to try it. The packaging was one of a kind. The colour of the juice was... was... it was indescribable. It looked like different shades of every coloured fruit, more like a 'multifruta' yet inviting. I tried so hard to take my eyes off, but then I began to look at her, all that beauty, confidence, language within a few days of fruit juice??
She left the bottle of fruit juice in my room, on my study table to be precise. Since then, I've been staring at it, contemplating...
Hey! Don't be quick to judge me. I'm still contemplating...
I only told her I had a bite of the fruit and that resulted in what I am today. What did you expect me to do? The serpent told me my eyes would be opened even though they were never closed. Who wouldn't want such an experience? That was when I realised I was naked and had to cover up. Since that day, I kept covering up on every naked thing, it's like I can't help but cover up. But you know what? She didn't know this.
After some months, she came to me, and OMG she was so different, looked different... more or less advanced in her speech and countenance. "What happened to you", I asked, and she told me... Well, she spoke in a different, sweeter, enviable language which took me months to decode. This was what she said in our language;
I went to the tree and saw a serpent and he told me your story so I figured out if your eyes were opened to see beyond what you saw, and to differentiate right and wrong, then having a double of that experience would be unimaginable so I plugged all the fruits, and squeezed the juice from them. I took them home and been drinking since. The serpent actually told me to drink it whenever I'm thirsty. It's been a few days now and I can't part from that juice. The thought of it getting finished was frustrating; I mean, I plugged all the fruits. Yet, the bottles never seem empty.
There, she handed me a bottle and told me to try it. The packaging was one of a kind. The colour of the juice was... was... it was indescribable. It looked like different shades of every coloured fruit, more like a 'multifruta' yet inviting. I tried so hard to take my eyes off, but then I began to look at her, all that beauty, confidence, language within a few days of fruit juice??
She left the bottle of fruit juice in my room, on my study table to be precise. Since then, I've been staring at it, contemplating...
Hey! Don't be quick to judge me. I'm still contemplating...
Tuesday, 22 November 2011
100%
How can I give out my 100%
What will you give back
In return for such perfection
Tell me how much it's worth
100%
Perfection
100%
Submission
100%
Won't ask for less
Who wouldn't want the best
You inspire my plans
Reason I'm existing and living
To give you out would be insanity on my part
A lifeless existence
You teach me how to love and be wise
Notwithstanding your show of treasures of this life
My lover
Thrust yourself deeper and deeper
Till I feel nothing but your firm pillar
To strengthen this heart and mind of mine
I crave 100% today
I need 100% everyday
I have 100% so why should I give him away?
INSPIRATION:
My boyfriend's pen name, 100% inspired this piece. Some readers could say he inspired it, but let's look at it from both views; what he inspired it? What if his pen name inspired it? It's still 100%
What will you give back
In return for such perfection
Tell me how much it's worth
100%
Perfection
100%
Submission
100%
Won't ask for less
Who wouldn't want the best
You inspire my plans
Reason I'm existing and living
To give you out would be insanity on my part
A lifeless existence
You teach me how to love and be wise
Notwithstanding your show of treasures of this life
My lover
Thrust yourself deeper and deeper
Till I feel nothing but your firm pillar
To strengthen this heart and mind of mine
I crave 100% today
I need 100% everyday
I have 100% so why should I give him away?
INSPIRATION:
My boyfriend's pen name, 100% inspired this piece. Some readers could say he inspired it, but let's look at it from both views; what he inspired it? What if his pen name inspired it? It's still 100%
Saturday, 19 November 2011
HERE I AM
Forgive me Father for I have sinned
Not coverteousness
Not murder
Just haven't pushed harder
But I'm running now
I'm running so fast now
I only pray you keep me on track
And strengthen me on my way for that crown
Strengthen me... Strengthen me
To push harder and never grow weary
Cos this ground is so cold
And the weight so heavy
*pause*
I'm ready
Ready to be used for your glory
Anoint me
I empty myself
Fill me to the brim
You see, I'm tired of breathing
This air so unclean
I want to sink in you pool of glory
Here I am
Use me till you won't
Not coverteousness
Not murder
Just haven't pushed harder
But I'm running now
I'm running so fast now
I only pray you keep me on track
And strengthen me on my way for that crown
Strengthen me... Strengthen me
To push harder and never grow weary
Cos this ground is so cold
And the weight so heavy
*pause*
I'm ready
Ready to be used for your glory
Anoint me
I empty myself
Fill me to the brim
You see, I'm tired of breathing
This air so unclean
I want to sink in you pool of glory
Here I am
Use me till you won't
Friday, 18 November 2011
REALITY OF UNREALITY
Maame: I saw a man by the roadside and he said ‘Jesus is coming to Accra’, and then he vanished. She paused a moment and saw the emotionless look in Adjoa’s face. “You don’t believe it’s real, do you?”
Adjoa: /clears throat/ C’mon Maame, why would I think you’ll be two-faced about such an issue? Besides, everyone believes what they experience is real, just like a dream or a hallucination. How does one even know I what he sees and experiences is real or unreal? What if the reality we assume to see is not real after all but a dream, a perfect design of our minds and heart or of the grand designer of it all? What if the hallucinations are reality in itself? Who defined reality and unreality anyway?
Maame: “Oh for goodness sakes Adjoa, why do you always like complicating things?
Adjoa: The fact that I’m real, able to think and analyze issues that you don’t, doesn’t make me complicated. It makes you shallow… no offense /chuckles/
Maame: Let me tell you what reality is; reality is you here and now…/nudges Adjoa/ how you feel, and your ability to control your emotions and movement is reality… /Adjoa interrupts/
Adjoa: I get where you’re coming from but listen; the purpose of our existence is that we created this reality to live in. that’s why often at times, the things we believe in that don’t seem to be absolute truth, seem true at some times yet untrue at certain times. Half truths, some will call it. These ‘half truths’ swinging at certain points in our lives can be caused by circumstances, books we read, meditations… blah blah blah, and it makes reality seem so unreal. You’ve experienced that before, right?
Maame: /stuttering/W..w…well… /raising shoulders/
Adjoa: So now let me ask you; what that ‘period’ between umm… or what balances dreaming and awakening? Reality or unreality? The reality of unreality? Whatever it is, no sane man would want to be trapped in or by his dream neither would his dream neither would he want to stay awaken forever. So why is the judgment on reality and unreality so inconsistent?
Maame: /grabs a sweaty bottle of coke from the fridge… puff/ mmhhh… /gulps coke greedily/ well, I’m assuming it’s just in our nature to always have answers, even to the shallowest and more or less meaningless of things… no offense /laughs teasingly/
Adjoa: Let’s say by continuously snubbing unreality is the acceptance of reality
Maame: /interrupts/ you need a bottle of coke; it refreshes the brain as well… trust me, it works whenever I feel depressed /hands over a glass of coke/
Adjoa: So how real was the man you saw? If he had white huge wings and long silky Asian hair, with a pale skin, then I’ll tell you without doubts, that’s no angel /sips coke/ mmhh refreshing...
Maame: /sarcastically/...and his voice was that of a still small wind, that which only I could hear. All jokes aside, he looked indescribable, yet beautiful… like I could just stare at him all day and never get bored. He looked erm… divine… yes! DIVINE!! He looked DIVINE, reason why I was so convinced he was real. I think he was an angel, caused he just… he just…
Adjoa: vanished into this hot air??
Maame: walked away…
Adjoa: Walked away? Maame paa… and you didn’t call him? Ah! Mtcheww… I guess fear gripped those lanky legs of yours, you just stared at him walk away till he was out of sight
Maame: I wouldn’t call that fear; maybe bewilderment I guess…
Adjoa: Jesus is coming soon, every Christian believes that. But how soon is what we don’t know. His ‘delay’ is what’s causing all this confusion and inconsistency in our belief and thought on what is real and what is not. I believe one’s belief should be his reality, making reality relative to every individual. Let the Christian believe God is real even when there’s no physical evident of his existence. Let the over 99% of scientist believe that a literal translation of Genesis does not prove reality and thus creation science is false. Let the other scientists believe that evolution was driven by blind, unnatural forces without a goal, and let those who want to follow eternal bible truth do. You can’t change man, and it’s probably impossible to easily change beliefs. Let them be.
Maame: In that case, you are saying what I say was real only to me?
Adjoa: it was real because you saw it and you believed it. But the moment the man’s prophesy begins to ‘delay’, you’ll begin to wonder and doubt the weight of his message. The moment that happens, you let your expectations and your guard down. You begin to focus on other things, and then BOOM!! It happens… he comes. It’s so evident today; we’ve heard centuries past “Jesus is coming soon”, it’s just like reciting our anthem in the passing so flimsy and sometimes don’t even meditate on them to have a true meaning and value to it. As much as we know Jesus is coming, he’ll come when we less know it… when we least expect it.
Maame: eeeiii Adjoa that!! You should change your discipline in school oo… you should actually be reading philosophy, psychology and those controversial, mind tricking courses instead of Business Admin
Adjoa: Well, my field of study doesn't define me. I'm only adding some value to myself...
/door bell rings/... Pls go check that out, ok? I'm so exhausted...
Maame: Oh really? But you're closer to the door
Adjoa: I beg wai. I got you sth nice from town
/Maame opens door/
Maame: Hello
Man: Hello young lady, is Adjoa in, pls?
Maame: Hold on a minute. Let me call her out
/Adjoa appears at the door/
Adjoa: Yeeeesss... Hello... OMG! Maame it's... it's /stuttering/ it's... /pointing forefinger at the man in awe/
...To be continued...
Adjoa: /clears throat/ C’mon Maame, why would I think you’ll be two-faced about such an issue? Besides, everyone believes what they experience is real, just like a dream or a hallucination. How does one even know I what he sees and experiences is real or unreal? What if the reality we assume to see is not real after all but a dream, a perfect design of our minds and heart or of the grand designer of it all? What if the hallucinations are reality in itself? Who defined reality and unreality anyway?
Maame: “Oh for goodness sakes Adjoa, why do you always like complicating things?
Adjoa: The fact that I’m real, able to think and analyze issues that you don’t, doesn’t make me complicated. It makes you shallow… no offense /chuckles/
Maame: Let me tell you what reality is; reality is you here and now…/nudges Adjoa/ how you feel, and your ability to control your emotions and movement is reality… /Adjoa interrupts/
Adjoa: I get where you’re coming from but listen; the purpose of our existence is that we created this reality to live in. that’s why often at times, the things we believe in that don’t seem to be absolute truth, seem true at some times yet untrue at certain times. Half truths, some will call it. These ‘half truths’ swinging at certain points in our lives can be caused by circumstances, books we read, meditations… blah blah blah, and it makes reality seem so unreal. You’ve experienced that before, right?
Maame: /stuttering/W..w…well… /raising shoulders/
Adjoa: So now let me ask you; what that ‘period’ between umm… or what balances dreaming and awakening? Reality or unreality? The reality of unreality? Whatever it is, no sane man would want to be trapped in or by his dream neither would his dream neither would he want to stay awaken forever. So why is the judgment on reality and unreality so inconsistent?
Maame: /grabs a sweaty bottle of coke from the fridge… puff/ mmhhh… /gulps coke greedily/ well, I’m assuming it’s just in our nature to always have answers, even to the shallowest and more or less meaningless of things… no offense /laughs teasingly/
Adjoa: Let’s say by continuously snubbing unreality is the acceptance of reality
Maame: /interrupts/ you need a bottle of coke; it refreshes the brain as well… trust me, it works whenever I feel depressed /hands over a glass of coke/
Adjoa: So how real was the man you saw? If he had white huge wings and long silky Asian hair, with a pale skin, then I’ll tell you without doubts, that’s no angel /sips coke/ mmhh refreshing...
Maame: /sarcastically/...and his voice was that of a still small wind, that which only I could hear. All jokes aside, he looked indescribable, yet beautiful… like I could just stare at him all day and never get bored. He looked erm… divine… yes! DIVINE!! He looked DIVINE, reason why I was so convinced he was real. I think he was an angel, caused he just… he just…
Adjoa: vanished into this hot air??
Maame: walked away…
Adjoa: Walked away? Maame paa… and you didn’t call him? Ah! Mtcheww… I guess fear gripped those lanky legs of yours, you just stared at him walk away till he was out of sight
Maame: I wouldn’t call that fear; maybe bewilderment I guess…
Adjoa: Jesus is coming soon, every Christian believes that. But how soon is what we don’t know. His ‘delay’ is what’s causing all this confusion and inconsistency in our belief and thought on what is real and what is not. I believe one’s belief should be his reality, making reality relative to every individual. Let the Christian believe God is real even when there’s no physical evident of his existence. Let the over 99% of scientist believe that a literal translation of Genesis does not prove reality and thus creation science is false. Let the other scientists believe that evolution was driven by blind, unnatural forces without a goal, and let those who want to follow eternal bible truth do. You can’t change man, and it’s probably impossible to easily change beliefs. Let them be.
Maame: In that case, you are saying what I say was real only to me?
Adjoa: it was real because you saw it and you believed it. But the moment the man’s prophesy begins to ‘delay’, you’ll begin to wonder and doubt the weight of his message. The moment that happens, you let your expectations and your guard down. You begin to focus on other things, and then BOOM!! It happens… he comes. It’s so evident today; we’ve heard centuries past “Jesus is coming soon”, it’s just like reciting our anthem in the passing so flimsy and sometimes don’t even meditate on them to have a true meaning and value to it. As much as we know Jesus is coming, he’ll come when we less know it… when we least expect it.
Maame: eeeiii Adjoa that!! You should change your discipline in school oo… you should actually be reading philosophy, psychology and those controversial, mind tricking courses instead of Business Admin
Adjoa: Well, my field of study doesn't define me. I'm only adding some value to myself...
/door bell rings/... Pls go check that out, ok? I'm so exhausted...
Maame: Oh really? But you're closer to the door
Adjoa: I beg wai. I got you sth nice from town
/Maame opens door/
Maame: Hello
Man: Hello young lady, is Adjoa in, pls?
Maame: Hold on a minute. Let me call her out
/Adjoa appears at the door/
Adjoa: Yeeeesss... Hello... OMG! Maame it's... it's /stuttering/ it's... /pointing forefinger at the man in awe/
...To be continued...
HEART'S ART
Heart's art
Beautifully craft
I see them all
Yet I want it wiped out
Please...
My life is a mess
Have I lived a lie
Maybe I just discovered less
Less of self and afraid of the rest
Pity...
Listen hard
Listen to me
The me you see is the me I give
The me I give isn't what He gave
Forgive me...
Forgive me Father for I have sinned
Not coverteousness
Not murder
Just haven't pushed harder
I realised...
Yet my fears
Slowly crawling within the walls of my heart
Wipe all out now
And paint the new art
The art that will never part from this heart
Beautifully craft
I see them all
Yet I want it wiped out
Please...
My life is a mess
Have I lived a lie
Maybe I just discovered less
Less of self and afraid of the rest
Pity...
Listen hard
Listen to me
The me you see is the me I give
The me I give isn't what He gave
Forgive me...
Forgive me Father for I have sinned
Not coverteousness
Not murder
Just haven't pushed harder
I realised...
Yet my fears
Slowly crawling within the walls of my heart
Wipe all out now
And paint the new art
The art that will never part from this heart
COLD SUN
Really... Really??
Did you have to be so cold?
Scorching my dark skin
Mercilessly weakening my photochromic lense
Blinding my eyes at your rise
Did you have to be so cold??
Yea yeah yeeaahh... You brighten my day...
But hey! I didn't request for a blinding day
How nicer could you be, huh??
You heat me up without permission
And penetrate my room with full confidence
So uncultured!
Too much! Too much!!
I can't stand the heat
You see, I'm not that rich
So I can't substitute your heat with those costly creams and designer shades
As if that's not enough
You go distracting my attention in class... even my sleep
You're so mean
I thought you mean well
Following me with dark images all day
Scary!!
You shine my day and give me hope
But I can't stand your attitude these days
Can I please have the old you
No offence
I acknowledge your existence
But you're killing me day by day
That new born baby with no air conditioner in his mother's house...
That fat woman by my left and the trotro mate with his arms lifted by my rightside...
How do you think I feel in between them with you staring at us
I'm on my knees
Oh damn!! Did you have to heat up this hard ground as well
I'm trynna plead with you for humanity sake!
(Pause **straight face**)
Forget it... **sighs**
Did you have to be so cold?
Scorching my dark skin
Mercilessly weakening my photochromic lense
Blinding my eyes at your rise
Did you have to be so cold??
Yea yeah yeeaahh... You brighten my day...
But hey! I didn't request for a blinding day
How nicer could you be, huh??
You heat me up without permission
And penetrate my room with full confidence
So uncultured!
Too much! Too much!!
I can't stand the heat
You see, I'm not that rich
So I can't substitute your heat with those costly creams and designer shades
As if that's not enough
You go distracting my attention in class... even my sleep
You're so mean
I thought you mean well
Following me with dark images all day
Scary!!
You shine my day and give me hope
But I can't stand your attitude these days
Can I please have the old you
No offence
I acknowledge your existence
But you're killing me day by day
That new born baby with no air conditioner in his mother's house...
That fat woman by my left and the trotro mate with his arms lifted by my rightside...
How do you think I feel in between them with you staring at us
I'm on my knees
Oh damn!! Did you have to heat up this hard ground as well
I'm trynna plead with you for humanity sake!
(Pause **straight face**)
Forget it... **sighs**
ABSTRACT SIMPLICITY
I have the most complicated skill
To say more whiles saying less
And not saying all that can be said
Leaving you to connect the dots
You should be artistic to trace some outside the box
I empty myself to the content of what is beyond me
And that often tastes like the mouth of my Coca Cola bottle singing notes of emptiness
Don't look beyond the surface
It's just simplicity defining nothing
Truth in lies lies in truth
You aren't here but here you are
Sitting close yet so far listening to me
Trying hard to decipher its meaning
Seriously, its as simple
You're only straining too hard
It's not that complicated to decode
What I know is no big deal
Cos what I don't is sealed till its unveiled
That's how simple I am
Call them contradictions
Call them senseless
I wouldn't agree less
But I'll call them something else
... Abstract simplicity
To say more whiles saying less
And not saying all that can be said
Leaving you to connect the dots
You should be artistic to trace some outside the box
I empty myself to the content of what is beyond me
And that often tastes like the mouth of my Coca Cola bottle singing notes of emptiness
Don't look beyond the surface
It's just simplicity defining nothing
Truth in lies lies in truth
You aren't here but here you are
Sitting close yet so far listening to me
Trying hard to decipher its meaning
Seriously, its as simple
You're only straining too hard
It's not that complicated to decode
What I know is no big deal
Cos what I don't is sealed till its unveiled
That's how simple I am
Call them contradictions
Call them senseless
I wouldn't agree less
But I'll call them something else
... Abstract simplicity
Wednesday, 19 October 2011
BLOODY NEWS
Headlines clot in my blood
Unclean tears run down my face
Cannot get a read of blood flowing in my veins
Heart beats at a steady pace
As I try to cast the news today
Who said “life is always unfair”?
What makes news but the man who bit the dog?
Inhabited by the unwanted
Helpless
Betrayed by the inevitable
Instinctively I reach out for my headlines
To deliver news that will bring you joy
But laughter couldn’t have felt any bitter
As I rippled through my body
Revealing unbearable pain
Such news!
It hurts to cry
It hurts to breathe as I try to stand
My heart is racing
Who is there to hand the baton?
Who would want such a baton?
Stained with blood
Voila! My heart is racing
Racing against herself
With every beat
She is leaving me
Is she my enemy?
She is my heart
But the pain
Agyeeeeeiiii! The pain!
I can’t take it!
I cannot take this!!
Please give me a release to sleep forever
The pain is new
Never felt it before
The pain is news
Never knew it could make headlines
Depressed
A painful procedure to discover pain still spreading
Prescribed a few more pills
And pain still present
Frustrating
News of blood clot in headlines breaking
Such news
Breaking news
Bloody news
As I look down at my right leg
Dressed and beautifully bandaged
With her white cloak and bloody spots
She steals glances at her spotless twin
“You’re beautiful and raw
And I will be same soon
Pray for me that I do not rot
Pray that I get back to raw
For hidden within this pain is a seed of renewal called life”
Purely emotions and thoughts as I looked down at my right leg 3days after being burnt with hot water whiles doing my chores at home.
I give glory and thanks to God that even though I tripped and fell off the stairs, I didn't break a bone and I still have my leg although it left a scar.
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
FOR 'E'
Am I playing with the words
E...
Let me say the words
Don't let me play with the words
I wanna tell you these words
These words that I can't say
These words that breathe in my ink
These words that make me... us anew...
Monday, 18 April 2011
JUST EXPRESSING...
I need not tell you how blessed you are to be alive, need I? I need not tell you how pretty or beautiful you to believe it, need I? Oh! I guess you only love hearing it over and over. Well, I actually didn't want to, but writing it just did... Oops... this ink!
The first day someone told me, "wow! You're such a writer..." my response was "ok" [whiles giggling]. I didn't know why I did that. I guess it's because I didn't believe it... it's because I saw it as a HUGE THING... /smiles/. But amazingly, I found myself writing all the time. Not weird...
Then it started feeling deep... personal... different... I couldn't just write about anything anymore... I could only be inspired by my emotions. Now, that was HUGE. Yes, I read Literature in Junior High School but this felt so different. It felt so... different! The pen's now my 2nd bff cos someway somehow, my own writing inspires me, chastises me and empowers me to get me going.
In growing up, I settled singing in God's house was my only department in God's business. Now, I know of another. Writing. Hmmm... It's not easy. Multitasking, I mean. But c'mon, this is God's business we're talking about. It's as if I've got an option, I don't... Well, maybe I have but I choose not to even consider it. At church one Sunday, my youth pastor said during his session, "look at these twins, Curtis and Patricia. I see them and I see 5-talented people..." I started to wonder, how did he see what he saw? What did he actually see? What is he talking about? For some reason, instantly it felt heavy. Don't know how my brother felt though...
Take this: I may not have unveiled all my talents but I'm aware of 2. Are you? What are you doing about it? Do you think God will be satisfied with what you're doing now with what you have? God wouldn't look at you empty handed and give you a task. No! Even the hands you see are useful in his house. Ask yourself, how many lives have I inspired? How many souls have I saved? How many times has God smiled at me?
He's coming like wildfire. Don't live your life as if nothing is at stake. The things you're doing now can't be compared to those you don't know yet cos you haven't tried. When you get to a foreign land, I bet your inquisitive nature stirs up, pushing you so hard to explore and get to know anywhere... everywhere. Why can't you do so here? Why are you so stuck to one thing... To one place...
You've been resting for too long. As for me, I think my brain's had enough rest.
The first day someone told me, "wow! You're such a writer..." my response was "ok" [whiles giggling]. I didn't know why I did that. I guess it's because I didn't believe it... it's because I saw it as a HUGE THING... /smiles/. But amazingly, I found myself writing all the time. Not weird...
Then it started feeling deep... personal... different... I couldn't just write about anything anymore... I could only be inspired by my emotions. Now, that was HUGE. Yes, I read Literature in Junior High School but this felt so different. It felt so... different! The pen's now my 2nd bff cos someway somehow, my own writing inspires me, chastises me and empowers me to get me going.
In growing up, I settled singing in God's house was my only department in God's business. Now, I know of another. Writing. Hmmm... It's not easy. Multitasking, I mean. But c'mon, this is God's business we're talking about. It's as if I've got an option, I don't... Well, maybe I have but I choose not to even consider it. At church one Sunday, my youth pastor said during his session, "look at these twins, Curtis and Patricia. I see them and I see 5-talented people..." I started to wonder, how did he see what he saw? What did he actually see? What is he talking about? For some reason, instantly it felt heavy. Don't know how my brother felt though...
Take this: I may not have unveiled all my talents but I'm aware of 2. Are you? What are you doing about it? Do you think God will be satisfied with what you're doing now with what you have? God wouldn't look at you empty handed and give you a task. No! Even the hands you see are useful in his house. Ask yourself, how many lives have I inspired? How many souls have I saved? How many times has God smiled at me?
He's coming like wildfire. Don't live your life as if nothing is at stake. The things you're doing now can't be compared to those you don't know yet cos you haven't tried. When you get to a foreign land, I bet your inquisitive nature stirs up, pushing you so hard to explore and get to know anywhere... everywhere. Why can't you do so here? Why are you so stuck to one thing... To one place...
You've been resting for too long. As for me, I think my brain's had enough rest.
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
HMMM... GHANA
I arrived at the Kotoka International Airport around 8pm on Friday. The first thing i did was take in a deep breath of the fresh, authentic, pollution free Ghanaian air. My, was it refreshing! Having lived in Brookly, Lower Manhattan, New York all my life [I wish! hehe...] all I have ever heard of Ghana were stories told to me my Ghanaian mother Naa Momo and my American dad, Drew Anderston who had married my mother in Ghana during a brief period of study before returning to New York with her before I was born. Making my way down the tarmac to the reception of the airport, I felt a huge nostalgic sense of fulfillment being in my country of origin at last.
I was looking forward for an opportunity compelling enough to pull me away from the legal secretariat job at Oaks and Johns Law firm and thrust me right into Ghana. Kwesi Barnes was that opportunity. I met him working on a case for my firm in Texas and we immediately established a cordial connection. Fortuitously, he was also in Manhattan and it was not long before our relationship graduated into a romantic one. Six months later, Kwesi popped the question and I agreed to us getting married. I squealed in delight when he added that he would like us to get married, in Ghana! Now, here I was, walking into the airport, my fiance and his family coming into sight. How I had missed him!
He had arrived a week before me to make preparations and seeing him now, a flurry of emotions engulfed me. I jumped into his arms and locked his lips in a long, wet, passionate kiss. Oblivious of the presence of his mother, father and aunts, I was jolted back to reality by the questioning, disapproving glances they shot at me. "uptight, aren't they?", I whispered to Kwesi on our way back to his house in Tema. At the car park, I received more of the same when I insisted that I was gonna spend the weekend in Kwesi's house than with his family in their family house. As uncomfortable as it was, I stuck to my guns... I usually do.I had not seen my love in a long while and I would be damned if any 'proper' family conduct was going to prevent that.
On Saturday evening, an event occurred that which proved to be the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back". I had decided to give Kwesi a 'treat' and so just before he was supposed to arrive from work, I put out all the lights in the house, lit up some candles, changed into some sexy Victorian Secret lingerie and lay down on my sofa, waiting to surprise my sweet black, Ghanaian hunk.
When I heard the click of the door opening, I adjusted into a sexy, lewd position. To my utter disgust, in walked Kwesi, but with his parents! The tension that filled the room could be literally cut with a knife. Excusing myself, I shamefully tripped into the bedroom to change and even before I left, the reprimand had started.
Apparently, from my arrival, complaints had started circling among my reception party. Complaints ranging from me not being respectful, polite, courteous or God-fearing. It was there that it dawned on me, it was a whole different culture; a whole different environment. And in this country, this culture, kissing my fiance in front of his family meant I was impolite, an unashamed woman; my insistence on living in his house before we were married meant I had no scruples and God knows what being found sprawled out in my lingerie meant!
I had learnt my lesson and with heartfelt apologies, promised to behave in a more circumspect manner. I remembered now, what my mother said right I left, "...remember, this is Ghana oo..."
I was looking forward for an opportunity compelling enough to pull me away from the legal secretariat job at Oaks and Johns Law firm and thrust me right into Ghana. Kwesi Barnes was that opportunity. I met him working on a case for my firm in Texas and we immediately established a cordial connection. Fortuitously, he was also in Manhattan and it was not long before our relationship graduated into a romantic one. Six months later, Kwesi popped the question and I agreed to us getting married. I squealed in delight when he added that he would like us to get married, in Ghana! Now, here I was, walking into the airport, my fiance and his family coming into sight. How I had missed him!
He had arrived a week before me to make preparations and seeing him now, a flurry of emotions engulfed me. I jumped into his arms and locked his lips in a long, wet, passionate kiss. Oblivious of the presence of his mother, father and aunts, I was jolted back to reality by the questioning, disapproving glances they shot at me. "uptight, aren't they?", I whispered to Kwesi on our way back to his house in Tema. At the car park, I received more of the same when I insisted that I was gonna spend the weekend in Kwesi's house than with his family in their family house. As uncomfortable as it was, I stuck to my guns... I usually do.I had not seen my love in a long while and I would be damned if any 'proper' family conduct was going to prevent that.
On Saturday evening, an event occurred that which proved to be the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back". I had decided to give Kwesi a 'treat' and so just before he was supposed to arrive from work, I put out all the lights in the house, lit up some candles, changed into some sexy Victorian Secret lingerie and lay down on my sofa, waiting to surprise my sweet black, Ghanaian hunk.
When I heard the click of the door opening, I adjusted into a sexy, lewd position. To my utter disgust, in walked Kwesi, but with his parents! The tension that filled the room could be literally cut with a knife. Excusing myself, I shamefully tripped into the bedroom to change and even before I left, the reprimand had started.
Apparently, from my arrival, complaints had started circling among my reception party. Complaints ranging from me not being respectful, polite, courteous or God-fearing. It was there that it dawned on me, it was a whole different culture; a whole different environment. And in this country, this culture, kissing my fiance in front of his family meant I was impolite, an unashamed woman; my insistence on living in his house before we were married meant I had no scruples and God knows what being found sprawled out in my lingerie meant!
I had learnt my lesson and with heartfelt apologies, promised to behave in a more circumspect manner. I remembered now, what my mother said right I left, "...remember, this is Ghana oo..."
Thursday, 31 March 2011
TITHING (Malachi 3:8-18)
There comes a time in the life of a Christian when almost everything doesn’t seem to go right; at least that’s how it seems. It’s natural that the Christian feels humanly frustrated especially when issues are hitting him from all sides… school, home, work, friends, finances, relationships, choices etc… when all he can do about the situation is just pray. But that human sense yearns for something tangible beyond his faith to assure him all is well but then all he can do is pray and wait upon the Lord. I felt no different that night. I don’t know how it all started, but suddenly all my challenges flooded my head, then everything around me that minute seemed so not right and any friend I tried contacting was either busy or couldn’t attend to me… I needed someone to talk to yet no one was there… Then I didn’t even feel like talking to anyone anymore… the feeling was itchy and uncomfortable, hadn’t felt that before. I tried to calm down for a while but then the neighborhood was so noisy and I was feeling so uneasy because I couldn’t get hold of myself. I took a long walk... a very long walk… hmmm. Afterward, I returned to my apartment to relax and sleep. Then I started to pray while uncontrollably crying my worries out… then I slept off.
God spoke to me in a dream and I never realized it until I woke up to reflect on it. The dream was amazing… one I’ve never experienced. I mostly experience series of dreams before morning but this was just one time. I slept about 9:30pm and woke up about 5am. I’m doing my best by using close to appropriate words to describe that experience. It was like watching a documentary with me in it, yet not seeing the narrator. Likewise, it was like a one-on-one sermon. Coming to think of it, why did God not talk to me about something rare, or prophesy, why this? Why tithing? This is a summary of my dream:
“Bring all the tithes into the storehouse that there may be food in My house, and prove Me now by it, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it” Malachi 3:10.
Tithing is not just a whole one tenth of your income but the first and best of the one tenth of your income or earnings. If you take out some part of your income and later cut out one tenth, it is not tithe. Just like taxes, it’s extracted before you get to spend, save or do whatever you want to do with your earnings. The narrator made references to the day I had an unnecessary argument with my mother about tithes. My argument was that I’m not a worker. She told me I didn’t need to be a worker to give God his money else I am being selfish with my money and being disobedient. Again, He took me back to the day when my mother asked if I was being honest with my tithes. She explained that the only way by which I can manage my finances is when I’m honest with my tithes. I couldn’t comprehend but the dream made it clear. After that scene, I was taken to the moments when I actually wasn’t honest with my tithes and had issues with my finances. It was as clear as crystal.
The narrator in my dream told me something that actually struck me. He said that He does everything for us and doesn’t ask much in return but just a whole tenth of our income, the same money he gives, He puts us to the test by asking for a little amount and even when given to Him, are accompanied with treasures and immeasurable blessings. God tests our responsibility in managing valuables that do not belong to us... that belong to him. Are you passing the test or failing? If you fail, you are irresponsible in managing the little things, thus He cannot entrust heavenly treasures and blessings to you.
In a very emotional tone, He said that for all He does for us, the least we could do is to cheat Him and that where there is love there are sacrifices.
“If you’re ready to love, be ready to sacrifice, however, the joy of the consequence of the sacrifice cannot be compared to the sacrifice in itself”.
Whenever one hears there’s been a robbery and even when a thief steals your possessions, how do you feel? Take a look at how the mob attacks a thief…we see robbery as a serious crime and something to frown at, yet we rob God of His own property. “Will a man rob or defraud God? Yet you rob and defraud Me. But you say, in what way do we rob or defraud You? [You have withheld your] tithes and offerings”. Malachi 3:8. The Lord uses specific choice of words; he uses “rob” since robbery is actually taking something that does not belong to you.
He made me understand that Tithing is not that of a big deal but Christians are making it seem otherwise. It is not an offering where you can give any amount to Him. Don’t misunderstand Tithing and Offerings. Offerings are willing amounts or treasures you give to Him after deducting your tithe. If your tithe is not an honest amount, it is better to keep it than to give it out. Instructions are to be followed and not to be misconstrued. The income comes from him… it is His, the talents and skills you work with to earn that money comes from him and yet he asks for 10% and tells you to keep a 90%, isn’t He being generous?
Then he took me into a church room “bring all the tithes into the storehouse that there may be food in My house…” obviously where we pay tithes is the House of God which is the Church. He made two distinctions of this scene; the tithes is food for the church as a building which is best understood by the leaders of the church, and that every church has his unique way of feeding the church (as in the building), It could be in the form of funding the preaching of the word of God, supporting the needy and the like, but it looked like they are all following the same pattern. Then comes the other part of the church which is the body… tithes helps the body to grow… the spiritual body. I didn’t understand it but as I meditated on it, I had this insight; let us take a look at a farmer. He practically lives on those small seeds he plants in the soil, without sowing he cannot reap. I’m making reference to the GIGO principle (Garbage In, Garbage Out). In today’s world, money is used for everything and God in His own wisdom knowing money is necessary to survive on earth, He tells us to give Him a part of His money so He gives it back to us in immeasurable measures. He is not foolish and His Word is life and is true, meaning every word in the Holy Book. The tithe that is meant for God eventually becomes ours because he uses it for our own gain, to build us up, to shape our finances, to bless us that there may not be room enough to receive it, and to rebuke the devourer for our sakes. I don’t know about you but if I have this assurance from a God who’s held me up and kept me till now, I wouldn’t think twice in obeying such a simple principle.
The last scene was when I was praying and crying in my room the night before I slept. He made this clear: being a Christian and a believer does not guarantee a problem-free life… we will be persecuted in several ways and the only tool is our faith. Any man without faith in God and His Word is dead. He knows we love Him and need Him… we say it… we sing it, yet when he creates an environment where we will need him, we cry and complain… we are so human! I looked at myself and laughed. How silly I’d been. Then I smiled and said ‘Thank you’.
Tithing is a test of our faith, financial management and obedience in God. The money and everything is for the Lord (Haggai 2:8amp “the silver is Mine and the gold is Mine, says the Lord of hosts”) and He has more than money can purchase. He doesn’t need money for anything. It comes back to us in an enormous increase anyway. It is not about how much you give. My 50p tithe could show my faithfulness and obedience to God than the GHC5 tithe you forgot to pay last week so added GHC5 to it. Who are you deceiving? If you want to give more to Him, it’s in your offering but give Him his part of the money. It is His. Luke 6:38Amp says “give, and [gifts] will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will they pour into [the pouch formed by] the bosom [of your robe and used as a bag]. For with the measure you deal out [with the measure you use when you confer benefits on others], it will be measured back to you”.
I woke up and realized I just had an answer to my questions. What else was all that for?
Friday, 25 March 2011
ANY WAY YOU WANT IT
Poetry is friendly
I couldn't have a better word
Poetry is sexy
Engaging in it's tease
Poetry is satisfying
Aiming to please
Poetry is divine
Refined for purity
Poetry is simple
When read between the lines
Poetry is strategic
Laced with frilly rhymes
Poetry is raw
Grammatically raw
Poetry is expression
Consummated publicly
Poetry is just a flow
Even typos and all
Poetry is clear
Irrespective of its font
Poetry is perfect
When performed properly
Poetry is just the way it is
Fashioned any way you want it.
I couldn't have a better word
Poetry is sexy
Engaging in it's tease
Poetry is satisfying
Aiming to please
Poetry is divine
Refined for purity
Poetry is simple
When read between the lines
Poetry is strategic
Laced with frilly rhymes
Poetry is raw
Grammatically raw
Poetry is expression
Consummated publicly
Poetry is just a flow
Even typos and all
Poetry is clear
Irrespective of its font
Poetry is perfect
When performed properly
Poetry is just the way it is
Fashioned any way you want it.
Thursday, 3 March 2011
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
I know you want me to confide in you, telling you my worries, my pain, my joys, excitement even pouring out my anger and frustration. But do you feel what i feel or you feel pouring out my emotions makes me feel you actually know what i feel, feel what i feel and share in my sentiments? Now, i really want to tell you what i feel. You don't need to react with words cos your actions speak more than a thousand words, or would you pretend to feel what i feel? Do i even know what i feel? Wait! I think i do. It's my emotions and i think it's gonna burst and explode my whole being. How would that make me look? OMG! I get it... It's my PASSION. It's slowly eating me up. I can't cease to get hold of myself... can't cease to have enough of what i love... can't cease to have enough of... enough of...
I find myself doing only what i love paying less or no attention to the rest (hmmm what the heart wants) although they're necessary. My passion's become my poison and is slowly eating me up and i don't know what to do. Do you feel what i feel? How can i live without my passion? It's like living without love. No! I can't live this way... I couldn't deal with it. Can you put yourself in my shoes? I guess it wouldn't fit, right? You don't feel what i feel after all, do you? But do you want to feel what i feel? Then listen; my passion is my world and my world has turned against me. My love for people has actually made me take steps that, for some reason, i can't tell how, have come to hurt those i love, and eventually myself. My love for art is sinking so deep replacing essential and equally important activities in my life. My quest for excellence and intelligence has driven friends away from me. Did they even love me? They could've at least bared it but maybe i was too blind to see. My heart for preferences has turned me against other options... Yes there are pros and cons to everything under the sun but little did i expect to feel this way. Do you feel what i feel? Are emotions to be understood or felt? Is the language of the heart meant for the heart or for the mind? Can i confide in you or you suggest i get a book that'll feel what i feel by the ink?
I just poured out my emotions... I just poured out how i feel. Look at you... What are you thinking of? Now do you actually feel the connection, or you understand the feeling? Thanks for trying my shoes on even though they don't fit. I bet yours don't fit mine either...
I find myself doing only what i love paying less or no attention to the rest (hmmm what the heart wants) although they're necessary. My passion's become my poison and is slowly eating me up and i don't know what to do. Do you feel what i feel? How can i live without my passion? It's like living without love. No! I can't live this way... I couldn't deal with it. Can you put yourself in my shoes? I guess it wouldn't fit, right? You don't feel what i feel after all, do you? But do you want to feel what i feel? Then listen; my passion is my world and my world has turned against me. My love for people has actually made me take steps that, for some reason, i can't tell how, have come to hurt those i love, and eventually myself. My love for art is sinking so deep replacing essential and equally important activities in my life. My quest for excellence and intelligence has driven friends away from me. Did they even love me? They could've at least bared it but maybe i was too blind to see. My heart for preferences has turned me against other options... Yes there are pros and cons to everything under the sun but little did i expect to feel this way. Do you feel what i feel? Are emotions to be understood or felt? Is the language of the heart meant for the heart or for the mind? Can i confide in you or you suggest i get a book that'll feel what i feel by the ink?
I just poured out my emotions... I just poured out how i feel. Look at you... What are you thinking of? Now do you actually feel the connection, or you understand the feeling? Thanks for trying my shoes on even though they don't fit. I bet yours don't fit mine either...
Monday, 28 February 2011
THE CRY
You see the pain in my eyes
But alas my eyes are dry
I won't cry
No, i won't cry
You see the anger that burns from my gaze
The madness that sets my eyes ablaze
I won't cry
No, i won't cry
You see the fear that closes my eyes
That smile i wear is but a disguise
I won't cry
No, i won't cry
You see the hope that is finally dead
I cannot trust for my heart has been bled
I won't cry
No, i won't cry
You see the love that never dies
But i shall never love again
I won't cry
No, i won't cry
You see death's hand that has glazed my eyes
No one saw me die inside
They won't cry
No, they won't cry
UNSPOKEN
With you i always know what to say
But never actually having to say it
With you i am speechless
When no one listens
You hear
When i hurt and no one sees
You know
When i hide the tears that run down my rosy cheeks
You see
Your radiant eyes seems to glow just for me
Your delightful smile tells me
All is alright
You know every fiber that forms me
You know what worries me
You know what excites me
What keep me at night
And what shames me so bad
That i can't share with anyone
But none of these you bother.
ALONE
Alone
So very alone
Yet no one knows
Wounded
So very bad
Yet none but i feel
Ignored
Tossed about
Thrown aside
Secured
A sanctuary for others to have
Yet i am lonely with no one close
I am alone
Very much alone
No one knows my pain
No one knows.
GUARDIAN ANGEL
You gazed at me with surprise
None but i could see it in your eyes
And yes i knew
As you lay by me that night
Your whisper 'sleep tight'
Put me at ease
A smile came to your face
With composure and grace
Wiring all the tears away
Erasing all my life's gray
You led me down a path of gold
Telling me about the creator above
And I asked with greater love
"Can i call you my guardian angel?"
Your silence alarming
Made me fall on my knees
I'm yearning
As i opened my eyes i could see you before me
Your wings spread with golden radiance
And again i asked with greater love
"Can i call you my guardian angel?"
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