IT'S A LADY'S THING...

As I walked down the aisle looking pure in my white gown, I saw him afar desperate and waiting to take my hand. I said to myself "he lost his job, has no house, yet I'm marrying him... I'll surprise him with keys to our new house and new car". I said those divine vows looking deep into those eyes that seemed so true. That was then. It's been a little over a year now and as it is today, this is my fourth miscarriage for him and he's been supportive till he refused to send me to the hospital last Wednesday. For a moment I thought it was a nightmare until he broke that ceramic plate my mother gave us on our traditional wedding day, and said to my face "yes! I cheated so what can you do about it?? Four (4) miscarriages, Dede, 4 miscarriages! Look at you, you are fat, won't even make an effort to lose some weight. She's better than you... In fact, I knew it was you, you are a hindrance to my progress!! Wicked woman!!!". Herh! Me? Akwele, wasn't I even fatter when he married me? Did I not get him connected at Cal Bank? Now he's making money and thinks I'm a hindrance to his progress. I curse him!! I curse that woman he cheated on me with with a double portion of my miscarriages!! She'll know no peace till she tastes a portion of this pain. Wicked man! Evil woman!! She will taste the salt in her own tears so bad she wouldn't need any in her food for over a year!"

Ei! Did he not say he liked you the way you are? Anyway, for Jnr, I gave him my all /strokes long Brazilian hair to rest behind right ear/ my time, my pride, my attention, even had to break some rules just because I loved him. And you know what, he knew I was ready to give so much yet he took me for granted... My pride for granted. Everyone thought we were the cutest couple. Ah! Akwele, didn't you make that comment some time back? /nodding/ yea... Then he started behaving... You know what I mean? So then it happened; he wanted out! Right in my face! I remember his exact words "I want out". Herh! It felt like I was suffocating, and the setting was somewhere strange bi saa! I had to meet up with him at Dansoman and he broke up with me in his car at the Dansoman filling station. Ei!! Mb33ma!! /sips a glass of coca cola with iced cubes/ And the weirdest reason was he thought he loved me but did in the beginning and didn't wanna keep hurting me...and can't work it out but have to let me go /hits hand on the counter/ kw3h! I swear I'd wanted to slap him there but God formed me to be too nice. And you know me, I understood, I let it go, but I still love him. I just love him, Akwele, I love that man but it hurts to know he doesn't.

Well, your man seems confused and unstable. I'll never cry over such a man. But seriously, he was the first guy who "knew" you?? *laughs* So who's gonna satisfy those cravings now? Awww baby girl, hmph! Just when I thought a relationship could last over 6mths... We used to get intimate all the time... Abi you know me! Even before church on sundays. We called it "pervy Sundays" /giggling/ Then I got pregnant and had to abort. As much as I loved him and was against abortion, Akwele, I was so not ready. But can you believe Nii found an excuse not to take me to the hospital for the termination? Talk of paying the bills, he contributed no cedi!! A few weeks later, he said he couldn't continue doing "us" so wanted a break up. Look at me, frustration got me eating all the time. Had to change my wardrobe. Now I'm beginning to look like Dede, no offence, Dede. /swearing/ But me Nana Yaa!! /hitting hand on her chest/ Relationships is so out of my books!

Ladies... Ladies... Ladies... I understand it wasn't an easy road for you. You're independent, learned and amazing women and I admire your strength. For all the insults and curses and even well wishes, well, I wouldn't say they deserved less. You know of my story, don't you? Yet Kofi and I are still friends. I mean, do I have an option? I'll see him virtually all the time... Life moves on. But seriously, some men are just not easy to understand even when they try to be; some are also just wicked!... Just wicked!! But hey! Raise your glasses ladies /ladies raise glasses to a toast/... This is to the past that just passed, our strength, our bond, and a new life and independence and wisdom and... /wink/

THE BITTER PILL

I need to fall to rise. I'm young, and for what it's worth, experience will play an amazing role in the long run. People experience life in a quite expected way, but agree with me that most experiences, for lessons to be well learnt and sink in so deep into the body and soul of man, usually occur the harder way. I find myself in that category and honestly, it doesn't feel good. But hey, who says what is right needs to feel good?

I encounter and address issues all the time, and obviously my purpose is to make the victims feel safe even in distress and pain and a state of confusion. Victims are usually older and more matured than I, so I believe I was gifted. Well, I was until I received a bigger well packaged gift__EXPERIENCE. Enclosed in this gift box were notes like "you'll only know how hot fire burns if it burns you deliberately or accidentally" .... "understanding what someone feels is not enough to understand how he/she feels, rather feeling what that person feels is all you need to understanding what he/she feels" ... "Experience is the best teacher. Believe it and live life learning, else doubt it and live life studying it".

Visionaries always rule. It is required of us that we don't see only the now but look into the future and act now. If you have a bad sight, fix it! We both know how uncomfortable it feels when we're in the dark... left in the dark... kept in the dark. It feels insecure.

My message is simple. Well, not all that simple because everything you read here is coded and the key to decoding it is to look beyond it's surface. Life is fair but we say it's unfair the moment things don't go our way. That's so human. I understand. Sometimes, challenges and occurrences makes us feel shattered, broken, lost, unsafe, in pain. But have you ever realised that breeding on these doesn't make it look better? It rather causes torture.

The head and tail both make a coin. And to know the true value of it, one has to give equal attention and relevance to both sides of the coin. But the rule is, you'll have a tail only because I chose a head. Life is beyond how we see it. It's what we do when we see it.

It's painful, so what? You're hurt, so what? Unexpected, so what? Life still moves on, and the clock's still ticking. Endure! It's the only way to be tough. Who says sand is the only part of soil. There are gravels and even pit sands. You've probably walked on gravels bare footed but as much as it's painful, it's equally healthy for your feet and massages it as well. How long will you keep crying and lamenting, and complaining?

Fix that eye and see how beautiful and bright tomorrow is with the decisions you make today. And know that, all the pain of now and yesterday is shaping a better course for tomorrow.

I OWE... TO YOU!

I need that power
To wipe away every second of you and me
Bitter memories
Sweet memories
Still can't take away what's happening to me

If scars could heal
How long will I wait
For this wound is too green
And my skin too weak

I can't take it anymore
I'm losing it!
Torture!
Yes... Torture! I see you and I see torture
More or less you're a murderer
Cos you killed me

You killed that part of me that I could give to noone but one whom I loved
I loved you so much
I loved you too much
Maybe I just gave you too much

My heart... I gave
My time... I gave
My... My... My...
*pause*
I even planned our first anniversary

Maybe I was a fool in love
Maybe I was so blind
Couldn't see we'll ever break up
Couldn't see that far
Funny, you always asked me to wear my glasses

The memories are still here
Some memories still sweet
But this memory's too fresh
I owe the laughter and fun to you
I owe the safety and love to you
And I equally owe this state of mine... To you

BLOODY NEWS

Headlines clot in my blood

Unclean tears run down my face

Cannot get a read of blood flowing in my veins

Heart beats at a steady pace

As I try to cast the news today

Who said “life is always unfair”?

What makes news but the man who bit the dog?

Inhabited by the unwanted

Helpless

Betrayed by the inevitable

Instinctively I reach out for my headlines

To deliver news that will bring you joy

But laughter couldn’t have felt any bitter

As I rippled through my body

Revealing unbearable pain

Such news!

It hurts to cry

It hurts to breathe as I try to stand

My heart is racing

Who is there to hand the baton?

Who would want such a baton?

Stained with blood

Voila! My heart is racing

Racing against herself

With every beat

She is leaving me

Is she my enemy?

She is my heart

But the pain

Agyeeeeeiiii! The pain!

I can’t take it!

I cannot take this!!

Please give me a release to sleep forever

The pain is new

Never felt it before

The pain is news

Never knew it could make headlines

Depressed

A painful procedure to discover pain still spreading

Prescribed a few more pills

And pain still present

Frustrating

News of blood clot in headlines breaking

Such news

Breaking news

Bloody news

As I look down at my right leg

Dressed and beautifully bandaged

With her white cloak and bloody spots

She steals glances at her spotless twin

“You’re beautiful and raw

And I will be same soon

Pray for me that I do not rot

Pray that I get back to raw

For hidden within this pain is a seed of renewal called life”

INSPIRATION: 
Purely emotions and thoughts as I looked down at my right leg 3days after being burnt with hot water whiles doing my chores at home.
I give glory and thanks to God that even though I tripped and fell off the stairs, I didn't break a bone and I still have my leg although it left a scar.